Storybook Disease
by Lint
Summary: Senior Year AU. B/X, F/X
1. New Girl

The morning sun shone down on the shoulders of a solitary figure walking swiftly along the sidewalk. His eyes focused on his feet as he walked, only lifting his head to look for oncoming traffic when he crossed the street. A bike messenger bag hung over his left shoulder and he kept his hands jammed into his pockets. A few birds sang from their perches in the trees and dogs barked at him from behind the windows of their homes. The sky was a crisp sea blue and no clouds corrupted the pureness of it. To anyone else it would have been a perfect day. He hated it. Hated the beauty of the world when now he saw it so ugly. The sun rising again meant another day had come. Another day coming meant another twenty-four hours to live and breathe while she was still gone, and he was still alone.   
  
The early morning crowd of school kids grew larger as he approached the building where he would be trapped for the next few hours. He kept a keen eye for the new girl that was supposed to show up today. He wasn't sure exactly what she looked like. The one picture they had of her was taken at kind of a bad angle and was dark enough to where you couldn't make out the part of her face you could see. Still, he figured he'd know her when he saw her. Not too many new faces showed up in this town as of late. The ones already here just disappeared at a surprising rate. It was no wonder no one new wanted to come here.   
  
He approached the steps to the front of the school and he allowed himself to feel a small sense of accomplishment in actually coming. A small victory to what he was used too, but a victory none the less. His eyes scanned the crowed looking for the girl once more when he spotted her not fifty feet away. He squinted to double check and make sure. Her head was covered with a mane of loosely combed blonde hair; she wore faded blue overalls and plain black t-shirt. He thought that if anything, her outfit seemed most practical for her newfound profession. He kept his eyes locked on her as he walked; not noticing the huge crowd of people was heading toward.   
  
"Hey!" A voice shouted at him when he felt himself run into something. "Watch where you're going!"   
  
He looked up to meet the gaze of one Stanley Royer. Middle linebacker for the football team, Six foot three, two hundred fifty plus pounds, and a jaw so square it could be used for a chopping block. He smirked up at the behemoth and Stanley just sneered down at him.   
  
"Harris," he said bluntly. "If you wanted to give me a blowjob that badly you could have just asked."   
  
His group of friends cackled behind him and Xander merely smiled before sending his fist flying into the giant's face. He felt the warmth of blood run over his knuckles as the linebacker screamed in pain and doubled over clutching his nose. He looked up to Xander in shock and his friends stared on stunned. He looked at his hand like he was examining a bug he'd just picked up from the ground.   
  
"Are you crazy?" Stanley screamed.   
  
"I am," he said. "Haven't you heard?"   
  
"You're dead Harris!"   
  
"Promises, promises. You know, I had you figured for more of a hand job type of guy," he said before turning and walking away.   
  
Stanley shouted idle threats at his retreating form but made no move to advance toward him. Xander scanned the crowd again but she was already gone. He cursed quietly to himself and made his way inside.   
  
***   
  
"She's here," he said as he entered the library. He took a quick look around seeing that it was empty as always.   
  
The older man appeared from behind a bookcase polishing his glasses with his sweater.   
  
"You've seen her?" He asked walking toward his office intending on getting the picture they had for conformation.   
  
"Out front," he replied. "I would have talked to her too but I ran into Sunnydale High's favorite linebacker."   
  
Giles then noticed his young cohorts hands covered in drying blood. He made an attempt at a question but the words wouldn't come out.   
  
"Don't worry," Xander said. "It's not mine. Anyway, back on topic. New girl, here, now. What to do about it? "   
  
"Are you sure it's her?" The older man asked.   
  
"It's her. If she wasn't the new slayer, she still screams of violence. It's like you can just tell."   
  
"Very well then. You'll have to approach her cautiously. From what the council has told me her other Watcher has died and that she's not exactly one to socialize about her...abilities."   
  
"I know," he said. "She wasn't either..."   
  
He let the rest of the sentence hang in the air and absent-mindedly adjusted the strap of his bag. He looked at the older man solemnly and it looked as if he was going to say something but Xander raised a hand to cut him off.   
  
"I have to get to class. I'll come back after."   
  
"Yes of course."   
  
He pushed his way through the doors and out into the hall keeping his eyes peeled for the new girl. He had the feeling that he wouldn't see her again, and for some reason accepted it as fact. He stopped to buy a soda from the machine and made his way to class. Once inside he saw Stanley with a makeshift bandage of gauze and tape on his nose. He'd nearly forgotten that they shared first period. He shot a death glare toward Xander and flinched in pain, putting his hand over his nose. Xander ignored him and made his way to his seat and stared out the window.   
  
The rest of the day involved looking for the new girl and staring out of the window of all his classrooms. He never paid attention to the teachers anymore because he thought there was no point to it. He figured that any day now he'd end up dead. Whether it was by whatever demon the hellmouth conjured up or his own hand was yet to be seen. The final bell rang and he made sure he was the first one out of the door. Walking through the hallway he heard the whispers of Cordelia and her gang of morons snickering and pointing at him. He turned his head toward them and all but Cordelia looked disgusted that he would even dare look at them. She smiled softly at him. They'd hated each other for years, and made no bones about it. But by his own count he'd saved her life at least three times. Her gratitude resulted in no more insults. She was even nice to him on a few occasions.   
  
He kept walking as the girls went back to giggling, and made his way into the library. To his surprise Willow was there, sitting at the biggest table with her laptop in front of her, tapping the keys madly. She noticed him and gave a small smile before returning to her work. Giles was leaning on the counter sipping at a cup of tea and reading a book that was older than he was. Xander threw his bag on the counter and sat at the table with Willow. He closed his eyes and let the quiet of the room soothe him.   
  
After awhile Giles finally looked up from his book and noticed Xander's presence.   
  
"No luck," Xander said before Giles could speak. "I didn't see her again."   
  
Giles nodded and took another sip of tea before taking off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose. He walked around the front of the counter and idly stretched his back.   
  
"There's always tomorrow I suppose," he said.   
  
Xander nodded and looked to Willow still typing furiously. There was a giant stack of books next to her and every now and then she would read one of them for a minute before going back to typing.   
  
"What's she working on?" He asked Giles, not wanting to interrupt her.   
  
"The database," he replied. "Dreadful thing will be of no use to me, but I thought that it would be easier on the two of you rather than going through all my volumes. You do seem to hate it."   
  
"Books smell," Xander said flatly.   
  
"Uh, yes," Giles replied quizzically. "Indeed."   
  
He went back to the counter to read and drink his tea and Xander sat back down at the table. Willow didn't look back up to him; she was far too busy. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. He dreamed.   
  
***   
She was so beautiful it hurt to look at her. The blinding light surrounding them was no help either, but he ignored it as best as he could. She stood there in a simple black dress, the one she'd only worn for him once at a school dance in the beginning of junior year. It'd taken him forever to convince her to go. Her dark hair stood a in a stack of curls atop her head. Smiling at him brightly she took his hand and pulled her into his arms. Her felt her body so close him, the scent of her hair, the smooth skin of her bare shoulders. He ran a shaky finger along the skin and sighed brokenly. She was here. She was real.   
  
"Faith," he whispered.   
  
"Shh," she cooed gently.   
  
"You're dead," he said.   
  
"Not here I'm not;" she replied pulling back so that they were face to face.   
  
He smiled sadly and moved his hand to run along her cheek.   
  
"I miss you so much," he whispered.   
  
"I know you do," she said. "I miss you too. It's all vanilla where I am, no kinks."   
  
They laughed lightly together. He moved in to kiss her and she returned it eagerly. He kept his arms wrapped tightly around her. He didn't want to let her go. She kept her chin rested on her shoulder like she always did when they hugged for a long time. He felt the tears sting his eyes and he quickly batted them away.   
  
"I have to go soon," she said.   
  
"No."   
  
"I have to."   
  
"Please don't leave."   
  
"I'm sorry."   
  
He gave her one last desperate kiss as her form began to fade against the light.   
  
"I love you Faith."   
  
"I love you too Xander."   
  
Then she was gone.   
  
***   
  
He awoke with a start to the concerned faces of Willow and Giles. He jumped from his chair causing them to back away. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and tried to calm his heavy breathing. His hands shook and he leaned onto the table for support. Giles and Willow looked at each other, unsure of what to do. He wasn't as unstable as he used to be, but they still felt like that had to walk on eggshells around him.   
  
"Are you all right?" Willow asked sheepishly.   
  
"I..." Xander started. He grabbed his bag from the table and threw it over his shoulder. "I'm going home."   
  
He ran out of the library before either one of them could say anything more.   
  
Once he got home he ran right by his parents, who probably didn't notice he was there and headed straight up the stairs for his room. He threw himself on his bed and covered his head with his pillow hoping to drown out Faith's voice inside his head. He knew sleep wouldn't come easy tonight, if at all.   
  
***   
  
He busted through the doors of the library, walking quickly like a man on a mission. All he wanted to do was sit in the library with Giles and Willow and pretend he slept all night instead of smoking cigarettes and staring out of his window. He stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of the girl he'd spent all of yesterday looking for. If he had known it would have been this easy he wouldn't have bothered. She stood in the middle of the floor looking around like a mouse in the middle of the maze. Of course she could probably just burst through the walls if she actually was a mouse and... He shook his head. That train of thought was bound for nowhere. He stood there staring at her until she finally noticed him. She didn't wave, or say hello, or introduce herself. She merely scowled at him. He looked at her in confusion for a second before walking toward the counter to put his bag down. She quickly scuttled away from him as he passed her by which earned her another odd look from him.   
  
He noticed the scar along her cheek and he automatically moved to pull the sleeves of his shirt down over his wrists just a little further. She caught him looking at her and he turned away.   
  
"I'm looking for Mr. Giles," she stated gruffly.   
  
Xander craned his neck and peered into Giles' office and saw that it was empty.   
  
"He's not here," he said.   
  
"How observant of you," she replied.   
"Well, I'm sure he'll be back in a few minutes."   
  
She didn't respond again; just stood there ramrod straight with her arms wrapped around her waist.   
  
"So what's your name?" He asked, pretending like he didn't already know.   
  
She looked back at him in annoyance and sighed heavily.   
  
"Buffy," she said.   
  
"Buffy," he repeated.   
  
"What are you deaf?"   
  
"No, just thought it was an interesting name that's all."   
  
"Yeah well, whatever," she replied waving her hand dismissively.   
  
He gave up any hope of starting up a conversation with her, but still stared when she wasn't looking. He looked at the scar on her face and wondered what had caused it. The scarred tissue was whiter than the rest of her pale skin and stood out. She wore the same overalls as yesterday, and her shirt was the same style, but was red rather than black. She carried a messenger bag similar to his, which hung loosely and the small of her back. His eyes traveled back to her face and he noticed the bandage taped to her neck. With all the vampire bite cover ups he'd seen in his time he's a little surprised at himself for not noticing it earlier. He didn't want to piss her off again but he couldn't stop his mouth once it opened.   
  
"A split second is all they need," he said.   
  
"What?" She shot back. "What are you talking about now?"   
  
"Vampires," he replied pointing at her neck.   
  
"What the hell do you know about it?" She asked, her brows furrowing in anger.   
  
He sighed light heartedly. He didn't need this right now. She was here, she was looking for Giles, and he didn't need to look for her anymore. His services were no longer required at the moment. He grabbed his bag from the counter and walked briskly passed her. He paused at the doors and looked over his shoulder.   
  
"More than I ever wanted to," he said pushing his way out.   
  
She stared after his retreating form through the small round windows, her hand involuntarily touching her bandage.   
  
***   
  
The cafeteria bustled noisily with the lunchtime crowd. Trays clinked, bits and pieces of conversation were overheard, everyone separated into their clicks. He sat alone at a table picking at the mystery loaf that was supposed to pass for meat. It was a wonder he didn't weigh fifty pounds less with the food they served. He pushed the tray away and scanned the crowd. He saw the table full of popular kids. Each one crisply dressed in the latest trends and talking adamantly about nothing of importance. He looked over the table full of geeks. He knew half of them through Willow, and he himself didn't think of them as geeks but his opinion was drowned out by popular theory. He looked to the jocks and for a brief second his eyes met Stanley's. His nose was still taped and there was slight bruising around his eyes. Stanley mouthed a threat to him to which Xander grabbed his own nose and mimicked pain. Stanley scowled at him and he smiled in return.   
  
He looked to the lunch line to see Buffy standing in front of Lunch Lady Fran receiving a fresh square of mystery meat. His eyes followed her as she walked around the tables looking for an extra seat. She passed the table full of the Cordettes and they laughed shrilly at her. He watched as Buffy stopped, turned around and walked over to them. He couldn't hear what Harmony was saying but the look on her face said something along the lines of "you can't sit here." He laughed loudly when he saw Buffy pour the contents of her fruit cup across Harmony's shirt. The girl's screech filled the room and a bunch of people turned their heads to point and laugh. Buffy moved swiftly from the table and seemed to be heading in his direction.   
  
She passed his table without even seeing him but stopped quickly and turned around to look at him. He saw brief recognition in her eyes, but it faded fast and turned into another scowl. He thought that if she wasn't careful her face might stay that way. She moved closer to his table but made no move to sit down. They glared at each other, eyes never wavering in the form of a small staring contest. Finally she rolled her eyes and sat across from him. They picked at their food in silence. He was unsure of what to say to her. If she had met with Giles earlier then she knew he was in on the defending the world from darkness routine. Somehow he thinks that it's not the wisest topic to begin with.   
  
"What do you know about vampires?" She asked quietly.   
  
"I know they're not of the good," he replied, mildly surprised that she spoke first. "Walking undead, can be killed by sunlight, stake through the heart, beheading."   
  
"No," she said moving her hand to the bandage on her neck. "What do you really know?"   
  
He smiled sadly at her, his own hand moving to his neck. He wasn't going to show her his own scar, just as he knew she wouldn't be likely to show him hers.   
  
"I know enough," he said.   
  
She nodded and they were quiet for awhile. She looked around the room and it seemed to him like she wasn't comfortable with so many people around. She kept her shoulders hunched together and it looked like she was trying to block out all the noise.   
  
"I know," he said regaining her attention.   
  
"Know what?"   
  
He leaned in closer and dropped his voice to a stage whisper. "That you're the slayer."   
  
Her eyes grew wide with anger and she stood from her seat quickly and turned to bolt. He jumped up and grabbed her shoulder, a move she rushed to counteract, knocking his hand away.   
  
"Don't touch me," she said coldly.   
  
He put his arms up in surrender and gestured for her to sit back down. She hesitated a moment before complying.   
  
"And just how do you know that?" She says, her voice quiet but menacing.   
  
"Giles," he said.   
  
"What?" She exclaimed. "He's a Watcher! He's not supposed to tell anyone else."   
  
"You have to understand how things work around here," he said calmly.   
  
"I don't have to understand anything," she said.   
  
"Fine, whatever. All you have to know is that I know who you are and what you can do."   
  
"You don't know me," she spit out.   
  
"No," he conceded. "Maybe I don't. But you don't know me either."   
  
"Maybe I don't want to."   
  
"Then why'd you sit here?"   
  
"Because..." She said slowly, looking around at other tables. "There was nowhere else."   
  
"Right," he said.   
  
"Look, I don't care what you know. I'm the slayer not you. If you think for one second that you can help me you've got another thing coming."   
  
"I helped the old slayer just fine," he said, his mouth feeling numb that he could say such a thing so easily.   
  
"Yeah, well I heard that Angela wasn't the best skilled slayer that ever existed."   
  
"I didn't help out Angela," he replied. "I..." He couldn't say her name out loud.   
  
Buffy stared at him, impatiently waiting for his next sentence. He fought back a few tears in his eyes and struggled with the single syllable of her name.   
  
"Faith," he said, struggling with the word. "I... she..."   
  
"Okay, so you helped out one of the big guns. That doesn't mean I..."   
  
He slammed his fist on the table causing her to flinch slightly. She scowled at him yet again.   
  
"I'm assuming you knew of her," he said coldly.   
  
She nodded.   
  
"Then you know she was more than just a 'big gun' as you put it."   
  
"Touchy," she muttered.   
  
"Look," he said calmly. "Giles is a good man and a damn fine Watcher. He'll train you well if you take your time and listen. And as far as helping you out with the Slayer gig, it's what I've been doing for over a year. If you don't like it tough. I've been at it longer than you."   
  
She opened her mouth to retaliate but clamped it shut. She began picking at her food once more and he soon followed. They ate in silence once again. 


	2. Issues

"So, should we be expecting a new slayer to pop up soon?" Willow asked in-between her furious pace of typing.   
  
"Pardon?" Giles replied.   
  
"Well, it's for the database here. I just want to add the all the slayer based variables and since there were two before, wouldn't there be two now?"   
  
"Oh, yes. Of course. It hadn't occurred to me."   
  
"I have all the data about Faith and Angela entered. You know when Faith died at the hands of the Master, even if it was only for a minute, Angela was called. Bingo, two slayers. Now, when Faith died nine months ago, Buffy was called. And Angela died a month ago, so it looks like we might be seeing a new slayer one of these days."   
  
Giles leaned over her shoulder, peering at the screen of what he called "the infernal machine." He appreciated the painstakingly detailed work the young woman had put into all of it. The charts she had made of the slayer lineage was in perfect chronological order, complete with the names of their Watchers and what countries they'd lived in.   
  
"Excellent work Willow," he said proudly.   
  
She beamed in return and began to type again.   
  
"I suppose there was another slayer called to duty, but I've heard nothing of it from the council."   
  
"Oh, well I just thinking it'd be something easier to deal with if we knew it was coming. We all didn't react well to Angela at first. It didn't help that she was a little..."   
  
"She was very..."   
  
"She was a bitch;" Willow stated and laughed slightly at Giles' bemused look at her use of profanity.   
  
They both looked up to the doors as Buffy walked in with Xander in tow. The two looked like a pair of soldiers coming off of combat duty for the first time in days. Buffy's already worn overalls now had several rips in it, and she had a few scratches on her arms. Xander's shirt was in tatters and he was covered in dirt and missing a shoe. He had a mild gash on his forehead, which still leaked blood down the side of his face.   
  
"My god," Giles exclaimed. "What happened to you?"   
  
"The vamps thought they were cats and we were scratching posts," Buffy said. "One lady vamp nearly tore Xander's clothes off."   
  
"What can I say?" Xander stated flatly. "The ladies love me."   
  
"You wish," Buffy muttered.   
  
Giles and Willow both smiled at each other at the exchange between the two. They'd gotten along better than when they'd first met a week ago. She'd refused to allow him to accompany her on patrol despite Giles' assurance that he could handle himself. Buffy said she was a warrior not a baby sitter and stormed about causing Xander to chase after her, screaming all the way. An exchange that seemed to go on for days. Yet now it seemed that they have reached some sort of understanding. Giles mildly wondered what had caused it, but greatly welcomed the results.   
  
"Do you have a first aid kit?" Buffy asked taking a seat.   
  
"In my office, I'll get it." Giles replied.   
  
Xander also took a seat at the table and Willow looked at him in concern. He smiled faintly at her and she returned it. She was always scared for him when he went on patrols. Not that she didn't think he could handle himself, because she knew he could. But she was afraid that one of these times he wouldn't come back, and not at the hands of vampire or whatever they happened to be hunting. He saw the concern on her face and laughed mildly, telling her he was fine. At least for now. Giles returned with the first aid kit and handed it to Buffy. She took out a small bottle of antiseptic and a patch of gauze and titled the antiseptic onto it. She scooted her chair over to Xander who looked at her in confusion until the slapped the gauze to the cut on his forehead. His hand shot up to her wrist and she saw the tail end of a large piece of scar tissue on his wrist peak out from the cuff of his shirt. She looked back to him strangely. He hissed at the sting, but kept his eyes locked onto hers. She filed away whatever she was thinking for another time and attended to his wounds, grabbing his hand and tossing it away from her wrist.   
  
"I thought I told you not to touch me," she said bitterly.   
  
"Hey now, who touched me first? How about a little warning next time huh?" He requested hissing at the sting once more.   
  
"Come off it tough guy," she said. "It doesn't hurt that badly."   
  
He nodded stiffly but kept his mouth clamped shut. She removed the gauze and reached inside the kit for a butterfly bandage and stuck it over his cut.   
  
"There," she said. "Better."   
  
"Want me to clean your cuts?"   
  
"I got it."   
  
His brows furrowed at her resistance but said nothing. He looked on as she attended to her own scratches and saw the precision in which she dealt with them. She caught him looking and shook her head.   
  
"My old watcher taught me first aid," she said. "Thought it would be a good thing to know, you know?"   
  
He nodded. It made sense.   
  
"How did the patrol go?" Giles asked. "I mean, besides the... incident with the scratching and what not."   
  
"Besides the cat pack it was kind of dull," Xander said stretching. "Nothing big on the horizon I hope."   
  
"Not that I'm aware of," Giles replied. "Still, I think it's best to be on alert for anything. Keep on your toes and all that."   
  
"Whatever comes my way," Buffy said. "I can handle it."   
  
"We," Xander threw in. "We can handle it."   
  
Buffy only grunted in response. It told Xander all he needed to know at that point. She may have come to accept his presence on patrols, but it didn't mean she liked it. He sighed. She was so hard to deal with sometimes. Faith wasn't this hard to... His mind flooded with the memory of his last dream about her and he closed his eyes tightly trying to keep the thoughts that followed at bay. His fists clenched and he slammed it against the table startling everyone. Buffy spilled the little bottle of antiseptic and she cursed softly before glaring at Xander.   
  
"What's your damage?"   
  
Giles and Willow both froze at her words. They both knew Xander must have been thinking about Faith because a small act of violence always followed. They knew the amount of pain he dealed with. They'd been there to help him as best they could, carefully avoiding useless questions like "what's wrong?" And "are you okay?" Buffy wasn't aware of any of this and Willow assumed she thought he was crazy. Everyone else seemed to think so. She and Giles released a breath of relief when Xander didn't move to hit her like he usually did when anyone asked something like that.   
  
"You don't want to know," he said quietly.   
  
"Whatever," she replied rolling her eyes.   
  
"Whatever," he mimicked.   
  
Buffy looked up to glare at him again; it seemed to be their favorite activity with each other. Giles sighed mildly and assumed the truce they had come to wasn't so solid after all. Willow watched as their eyes bore into each other and she wondered who would back down first. She frowned a little bit when Xander turned his head away. It wasn't like him to give in so easily. As if he'd read her thoughts he looked over to her and shrugged. She didn't know what to think.   
  
"I'm going to go home and get a new shirt," Xander stated rising from his chair and stretching. He looked over to Giles and said good night, then looked to Willow.   
  
"I'll see you later?" He asked.   
  
Willow nodded, and he turned to walk away. Buffy looked to Willow curiously but didn't say anything. Willow didn't know what to say so she went back to her typing. Neither she nor Giles heard Buffy get up and leave.   
  
***   
  
She exited the main building and began trudging down the sidewalk to her Motel room. She didn't like it much. It was dirty, it was sleazy, and they didn't have cable. Still, it was cheap and that's all that mattered. Not a sound was heard as she walked and she thought to herself how could a town so small be the mystical center of all hell on earth. Cleveland was at least a *city* that had it's own share of... She shook her head. That was the last place she wanted to think of. A twig snapped behind her and she whirled around to attack, stopping when her 'partner' came into view.   
  
"Oh," she said in annoyance. "It's you."   
  
"Me," he responded.   
  
"Stealth," she said mockingly. "Look it up."   
  
He smiled as he showed her the broken stick in his hands.   
  
"Just testing your reflexes."   
  
"I don't need my reflexes tested," she growled. "Aren't you supposed to be going home? Where are your priorities where's..." She looked at him closer and realized he was missing an article of clothing. "Where's your shirt?" She asked turning away from him, not wanting to stare at his exposed skin.   
  
He looked down shyly at his bare chest and laughed lightly.   
  
"It was in tatters anyway," he said. "I mine as well have thrown it away."   
  
"Uh, yeah okay," she responded, her eyebrows raised. "Logical."   
  
He moved so that he stood next to her and he could feel that her reaction was to move away. She remained still though it seemed to take some effort on her part. They both looked around at the emptiness of the street. Neither had to say it, but they both found the scenery quite calming in the usual chaos of the slaying line of work. They began to walk along the sidewalk side by side and he rubbed his arms lightly to ward off the chilly night breeze against his clotheless form. She kept her head locked forward as they moved, but her eyes drifted down the length of his arms. It was the first time she'd seen him without sleeves to cover them and she was vaguely curious as to why he always kept them covered. She saw no tattoos, no misshapen birthmarks of any kind...   
  
"Oh yeah," she thought and he raised his right hand to scratch his nose, seeing the six inch scars that from the base of his wrist to his inner forearm. "That's why."   
  
He caught her looking and she quickly moved her eyes away. He said nothing. A few minutes later when she dared turn her head towards him again he was looking at her blankly. His eyes offered nothing and she knew not bother asking. Not that she would have bothered asking anyway. That would have entitled him to ask his own questions about her. And while she grudgingly accepted his presence when she patrolled, and in her life in general, they still barely knew anything about each other. Something that wanted to stay that way. They continued walking without saying a word and she tried to keep her eyes to herself.   
  
"Wasn't that your house?" She asked as they past the spotless two-story white painted building. She'd seen it for the first time the other night when he'd unexpectedly said goodnight and walked up to the door. A brand new Mercedes was parked in the driveway and the surrounding flower garden stood freshly clipped and in full bloom. The grass was mowed meticulously and a few lawn gnomes stood nearest to the porch. The porch itself had a bench made in the late 1700's and a handcrafted end table worth $25,000. The door to the house had a solid gold knocker and doorknob combo and the window at the top was beautiful stained glass portrait of an eagle soaring over a mountain.   
  
Xander kept on walking and Buffy followed in confusion.   
  
"You're not still going to patrol are you?" She asked. It was three-thirty in the morning. She was tired, she was hungry and they'd already killed more than a handful of vamps. There wasn't a need to go on another tour of the city. Why did he need to keep going?   
  
"I forgot that it's Friday," he replied as if that answered everything. "I'm sleeping at Willow's tonight."   
  
"Why?" She asked before she could stop herself.   
  
"Because mumsy and dadsy have their little social gatherings every Friday. A collection of Sunnydale's wealthiest who sit around, drink brandy, smokes cigars or imported cigarettes and congratulate each other on having loads of money and basically being masters of the universe. I know to keep away. If I went in there my parents would just ignore me like always, but one of their friends would say in that patronizing little tone rich folks have. 'That's your son Joan? My word he sure is... independent.' I don't need that bullshit every week so I just sleep on Willow's floor."   
  
He looked at her briefly before continuing.   
  
"I know what you're thinking. Oh, poor little rich kid, has everything money can buy, but his parents won't pay him any attention. Boo-Hoo."   
  
"I wasn't thinking that," she said defensively. "Weren't you at least going to get a shirt?"   
  
"I changed my mind. I have some at Willow's house."   
  
"Oh."   
  
As they walked she couldn't help but wonder again why he insisted on fighting the good fight alongside her. She was the chosen one not him. From what Giles had told her about Faith, Xander was the first one to discover that she was the slayer. Apparently Faith had saved him and Willow from a pack of vamps while they attacked the local nightclub. From that day on he'd insisted on helping her and Giles though at the time had no actual skills to assist them. The Watcher had also mentioned something about Xander and Faith being involved, but that had nothing to do with it. He obviously didn't have money issues to worry about, so why bother? The involvement was something she herself didn't quite understand. Being the slayer was a sacred duty of solitude. People just got in the way. Speaking of people, another strange thing about this town was the people here just seemed to accept all the mysterious deaths that piled up. And least in Cleveland they'd come up with better cover-up excuses.   
  
They kept walking and she noticed the thin pale outline of scar tissue along his neck. Vampire bite, she knew. While her slayer healing took care of the bites fairly quickly, a scar always seemed to remain. Her hands rose to touch her face and her neck and she shivered.   
  
"Cold?" He asked.   
  
"No," she bit out.   
  
"Okay," he replied. "Well, you don't have to walk me to Willow's. I can make it on my own."   
  
"I wasn't going to...Whatever," she sighed and moved to cross the street without another word and began to walk in the other direction.   
  
He watched her until she cleared the block.   
  
"Whatever," he replied quietly.   
  
When he got to Willow's house he climbed the tree that was nearest her window and hopped down onto her balcony. Giles should be dropping her off any minute so he sat on one the patio chairs she had. He closed his eyes but immediately snapped them open. When his eyes closed thoughts of Faith usually followed. He didn't want to think of her right now. Instead he pulled out his pack of Lucky Strikes from his pocket and lit up. Willow hated it when he smoked so he'd have to make sure she didn't smell it on him when she came home. He cursed when he saw Giles' car crawling down the street. He'd only gotten a few puffs. He flicked the cigarette onto the lawn and sat back down waiting for her.   
  
A minute later her bedroom light clicked on and she opened the balcony door for him. He walked inside her room and watched her as she sat on her bed and took her shoes off. She looked at him and noted the lack of clothing.   
  
"Where's your shirt?" She asked.   
  
"Chucked it," he replied.   
  
"Um, 'kay."   
  
He walked over to her closet and took one of the shirts he kept there and pulled it over his head. She still sat on the bed when he turned back to her. She looked like she wanted to say something to him but couldn't find the words.   
  
"What?" He asked.   
  
"Well," she said timidly.   
  
"Spit it out Wills," he said.   
  
"You and Buffy don't seem to like each other much," she said cautiously.   
  
"She's not exactly the most friendly gal on the planet." He said walking over to the doors leading to the balcony. "What's not to like?"   
  
"Last I checked you weren't the most friendly guy," she said.   
  
He turned and smirked at her. "A minor detail."   
  
"At least she's not like Angela," Willow offered.   
  
Xander nodded. "True."   
  
"She seems..."   
  
"Could we not talk about Buffy anymore?" He asked cutting her off. "I just want to rest."   
  
"Sure Xand," she said standing up to take the rest of her clothes off. She wasn't as shy around him as she'd once been. Not since they'd slept together that night a few months ago. He was in pain and she was trying to comfort him and it just happened. She knew it would never happen again, but when you've seen someone naked, changing in front of them with your bra and panties still on didn't seem so bad. She pulled a giant t-shirt over her head to serve as sleepwear and turned the light off.   
  
She pulled the covers back from her bed and beckoned for him to crawl in. He slid between the sheets and she followed. He rolled over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, and she cuddled him gently around the back of his head and shoulders. Her eyes closed as she felt his breath on her stomach. She hoped that tonight he would actually get some sleep. She knew he wouldn't. 


	3. Walls

"So there's a new slayer in town huh?" She asked as she tossed another grape into her mouth.   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"Oh, should I be jealous? I know how you like your woman rough boy toy."   
  
He smiled softly and lifted his hand to run it gently against her cheek. It was a perfect day. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, birds were singing, kids were playing off in the distance. They both lay on their sides, heads propped on their elbows, on a canary yellow blanket on the lush green grass. A picnic basket was perched between them, overflowing with assorted foods and drinks. She wore a plain cotton dress speckled with little daises and no shoes. She never would have worn this in real life, but here she did. He thought she looked cute in it, she thought she looked like a Barbie doll.   
  
"Only you," he replied.   
  
She laughed and shook her head.   
  
"What about Bug lady?" She said. "Or one of your little hyena sluts?"   
  
He blushed and looked away. She laughed again and looked at the dress once more, pulling on it with her hand, showing her distaste.   
  
"What have you got me in?" She asked. "I feel like I should be auditioning for Little House on the Prairie in this thing."   
  
"I think you look nice," he said.   
  
She laughed again and turned to lay on her back. She felt his eyes on her, felt him slowly scooting his way closer.   
  
"So tell me about her," she said.   
  
"Tell you about who?"   
  
"Duh," she said sarcastically. "The new slayer. What's up with her?"   
  
"I don't know really. There's not that much to tell."   
  
"Nothing at all? No dirt, no embarrassing little secrets?"   
  
"Oh she's got plenty of those," he replied. "But it'll probably be a cold day in hell before I ever find out any of them. She doesn't say much, and what she does say to me is usually and insult or 'shut up.' Not very social, seems like she's hiding from something too."   
  
"Hiding from things isn't always bad," she put in.   
  
"Really," he replied in a mocking tone. "Say's the girl who bowled into town with the vampire version of goat boy on her heels. Or did we forget about Kakistios?"   
  
"Hey there boy toy, no hitting below the belt."   
  
"Sorry," he said.   
  
"Five by five," she replied. "You two get along though right? I mean she's not like the bitchtress is she?"   
  
"No, she's nothing like Angela. I think she just uses some bitchiness to keep us at a distance. We patrol together, after much convincing on my part, and it goes along smoothly. Well, sometimes."   
  
"You mean you didn't woo her with that ol' Harris charm yet?" She asked rolling back on her side to face him, a small grin on her lips.   
  
He smiled in return and leaned closer to kiss her. She returned it for a few minutes before pushing him away, waving her finger back at forth at him.   
  
"No peep show for the kiddies over there," she said.   
  
"I guess the ol' charm still has a few kinks huh?"   
  
"It worked on me."   
  
"Yeah," he said laughing. "And how long did that take?"   
  
"Oh, come off it Xander," she teased. "You knew I had it bad for you."   
  
"You sure had a funny way of showing it," he replied. "I do recall that black eye from trying to kiss you that time Spike had us trapped in the factory."   
  
"I was playing hard to get," she defended. "And besides, I didn't want our first kiss to be something done just because you thought we were going to die."   
  
"I knew you'd get us out," he insisted.   
  
"Sure you did. You just wanted one little taste before you kicked the bucket."   
  
"Maybe," he admitted.   
  
"I knew it," she smirked triumphant.   
  
A frisbee landed between them and they both laughed and tossed it back to it's owner. She let him move closer again, and nuzzled her head against his chest as he rested his hand on the small of her back. She wanted to stay there forever, but knew she couldn't. It wasn't up to her.   
  
"I have to go again," she said quietly.   
  
"Already?" He mumbled.   
  
"Yeah," she replied. "Sucks doesn't it?"   
  
"Royally."   
  
I have some advice first," she said moving her head to look him in the eye. "This new slayer, what's her name?"   
  
"Buffy."   
  
"What the hell were her parents thinking?" Faith blurted and Xander laughed in response. "This wall she has around her, don't let it shut you out. She's like I was in a way. Has this big responsibility weighing on her shoulders and can't carry the load by herself, but thinks she has to."   
  
"You know it's hard for me to talk to anyone since you..."   
  
"She's had it rough Xander. A lot rougher than you can imagine, so stand strong when she pushes and don't back down. Be there when she tells you she doesn't need you and in time that wall will crumble. Like mine did..."   
  
She took his face in her hands and kissed him passionately.   
  
"I have to go," she said breaking away from him.   
  
"Please," he whispered moving his hand to her shoulders to try to keep her there. "Don't leave me."   
  
She looked at the scars on his wrists and smiled up at him sadly.   
  
"Take care of yourself Xander," she said quietly. "You're so cold now..."   
  
He closed his eyes to ward off the tears, and was about to say that he could never be warm again without her. But when he opened them she was gone. He rolled onto his back, simultaneously cursing and sighing loudly. He lashed out at the picnic basket sending it's continents flying onto the grass. He screamed bitterly and cursed that these dreams could be so vivid. He looked up at the sky once more. It still remained untouched. A perfect day indeed. He just wished it was real.   
  
***   
  
He awoke with a start, and found himself still in her bed her bed, he slowly disentangled himself from Willow's arms. She was sleeping peacefully when he looked up to her and moved as slowly as he could trying not to wake her. He eased himself off the bed and reached for his pants and shirt on the floor. He checked on her one more time before edging toward the doors that led to the balcony. The doors creaked loudly when he opened them and he cursed, knowing that he'd woken her up.   
  
"Where are you going?" She mumbled sleepily.   
  
"Just out on the balcony," he replied. "Thought I'd see the sun come up."   
  
She rubbed at her eyes and looked to the clock on her end table next to the bed.   
  
"It doesn't rise for another hour," she said.   
  
"Nothing wrong with getting and early start," he replied looking away.   
  
"You dreamt about her again didn't you?"   
  
He looked to the girl who'd been his friend as long as he could remember. Watched as she lifted the covers from the side of the bed where he'd slept, silently asking him to come back. He saw the concern on her face, the understanding. She already knew his answer, and he could never lie to her.   
  
"Yeah," he said softly. "I did."   
  
"Was it bad?"   
  
"Not this time," he answered cautiously moving back toward her. "It was kind of nice actually."   
  
"Oh," she said slightly relieved. She'd seen him deal with enough nightmares.   
  
"She told me to be nicer to Buffy."   
  
"Really?"   
  
"Well, told me that she has her reasons for being like she is. I just have to be patient with her."   
  
"Sounds like good advice."   
  
"I guess it is."   
  
"Are you going to come back to bed?" She asked almost shyly.   
  
He moved to the side of the bed to crawl back in and resumed his earlier position, wrapping his arms around her waist. He felt her arms wind around him and her lips on the top his head. He was grateful for her calming presence. She'd always helped him when he needed it. Always.   
  
"Willow?" He said quietly.   
  
"Hmm?"   
  
"You're my best friend."   
  
She smiled warmly and lifted her hand to run it through his hair.   
  
"I know."   
  
***   
  
He saw Buffy sitting at the big table when he entered the library for the Saturday training session. He figured that they should have received some kind of extra credit for spending so much time on campus. She had a big book in front of her but it didn't seem like she was paying much attention to it. He watched her for a moment and Faith's words ran through his mind. For the first time since he'd met her he could actually think of her as vulnerable. He doesn't know where the thought came from but it was there. The 'tough as nails' act was exactly that. An act. He made a silent vow to himself to do exactly as he was advised. She looked up to him and scowled and he just smiled and shook his head.   
  
"What?" She asked.   
  
"Nothing," he replied. "Hi."   
  
"Hi," she said a little confused.   
  
He sat down at the table and waited for Giles to come out of his office. He felt Buffy staring at him and he looked to her again. She was still scowling at him and he couldn't help but smile again. It's what she did, and he'd have to take it. A part of him wanted to know why, what had Faith meant exactly about sticking close to her despite her closed off behavior and secretiveness. But for now he thought it best to understand, though he really didn't. He must have still had the smile on his face because she started to look really exasperated at him and he scowled back to let her know that everything was the same. Still, she looked at him strangely.   
  
"What?" 


	4. Enemies

She glided through the headstones of the cemetery with the speed and skills of the slayer. She kept her eyes and ears focused for the slightest shift in the serene atmosphere. The moon was floating high above her head glowing brightly against the black blanket of the night, opting for high visibility. Seeing mild movement about a hundred feet away she quickly sprang into action, running at full steam toward it. The vamp had heard her a split second before she crashed into his back. He snarled and flipped her over his shoulders, slamming her into the grass. She gasped for breath as the wind was knocked out of her but managed to deliver a kick to his forehead. Flipping up to her feet she roundhouse kicked him across the face, simultaneously spinning and knocking his legs out from under him. She pulled the stake from her belt and swiftly rammed it into his chest. The vampire cursed loudly before it turned to dust.   
  
"Nice moves," he said appearing from behind a mausoleum. "Although next time you might want beat him a little less before you stake him."   
  
She whirled around to the face him, the anger flashing in her eyes.   
  
"Would you quit sneaking up on me like that?" She yelled. "God, one of these days you're going to get your head cut off, or at least a couple of teeth knocked out."   
  
He grimaced slightly. "Thanks for the visual."   
  
"Yeah, well," she muttered rolling her eyes and leaning against a tombstone. "What are you doing here anyway? You're supposed to be down the street."   
  
"I was. Staked a pair of vamps doing unmentionable things to each other. I thought we should pair back up before we hit Restfield, it's pretty big."   
  
She seemed to think it over for minute before nodding. "Just don't get in my way," she said.   
  
"Fair enough."   
  
They walked side by side as they left the cemetery. She kept her eyes and ears focused for any sounds or sights out of the ordinary. He walked quietly next to her; every now and then looking at her strangely, like he was going to say something but thought the better of it. She easily ignored it at first, but after five minutes she began to get a little impatient with whatever he was trying to say. He did it a few more times before she snapped.   
  
"What's the deal Harris?" She barked. "You've been looking at me like I'm about to sprout a horn in the middle of my forehead all day."   
  
"What?" He replied surprised by her sudden outburst. "Oh, nothing." A pause. "That was a joke right?"   
  
"Sarcasm," she said lightly. "Jeez, if you're going to be this weird all-night you should go home."   
  
"I'm not acting that weird," he said defensively.   
  
She looked at him and rolled her eyes again. Another thing she found she couldn't help doing in his presence. She was afraid she'd go cross-eyes if she kept doing it.   
  
"On a scale of one to ten, I'd say you're at a fifty right now."   
  
He opened his mouth to explain but found that, yet again, he couldn't. What would he have said? That he was acting weird because he was trying to be nice to her on the advice of the dream version of his dead girlfriend. That he knows she has her issues and that he was going to try to be more understanding about them rather than to keep matching her in attitude. He sighed. Even if he did manage to explain he doubted that it would get through to her. She'd probably tell him she didn't need to be babied and as far as her issues went he could mind his own business.   
  
"Forget it," he mumbled.   
  
"Forgotten," she retorted.   
  
As they approached the gates of the Restfield Cemetery they looked at each other wearily. This particular graveyard was filled with lush trees, just small enough to where anything could be hidden between them in the dark, and not have the slightest chance of being seen. Buffy indicated silently with her hands that they should split up and circle the biggest grouping of trees covering the tombstones first. Buffy went left, and Xander right. She crouched low, looking for the legs of anything possibly hiding inside. Xander moved slowly with his eyes closed, listening for the slightest shift in the quiet. He stopped dead when he heard a mild rustle and opened his eyes just in time to be tackled to the ground by a snarling lady vampire. Her fangs flashed in the form of a cruel smile and her feral yellow eyes glowed brightly.   
  
"Don't you know it's dangerous to be walking in a graveyard so late at night all by yourself?" She asked as if she were talking to a small child. She ran her hand along his chest lightly and he thought he saw a tattoo on the inside of her arm. He made a small note of it.   
  
"You're cute though;" she said eyeing him up and down.   
  
He laughed humorlessly and kneed her in the gut before grabbing her shoulders and flipping her off of him. She growled viciously as she hit the ground and he smiled to himself. The one true advantage he possessed over the forces of darkness was that they were constantly underestimating him. She jumped to her feet quickly and kept a hand on the spot where his knee had struck.   
  
"You'll pay for that," she seethed.   
  
"Promises, promises," he deadpanned.   
  
"You're a fool mortal. To be out here all alone."   
  
He saw a flash of something behind him out of the corner of his eye and he knew that it was Buffy.   
  
"Who said I was alone?"   
  
He dropped to the ground as Buffy launched a flying kick over him. Her foot connected squarely with the vamp's jaw and sent her sprawling back on the grass. Xander hopped back to his feet as Buffy stood in a fighting stance waiting for the next move.   
  
"Slayer," it hissed. "You will pay for this interruption."   
  
Buffy suddenly dropped her hands and hesitantly stepped back. Xander looked on worriedly. He'd never seen any other expression on her face beside a scowl or stony determination. Right now she almost looked afraid.   
  
"T-Theresa," she stuttered. "I thought I recognized that bad hair do."   
  
"The master will be so pleased I found you," Theresa chuckled with an evil grin.   
  
"Master?" Xander questioned.   
  
"Not now," Buffy spit in his direction, never taking her eyes off of her enemy.   
  
"An old friend," Theresa answered. "One that I know would love to meet you as well. Slayers pet and all."   
  
"He's not going to get the chance," Buffy growled jumping to attack.   
  
Theresa sidestepped and kicked Buffy in the stomach and spun to strike her in the back. Buffy fell to the ground but managed to kick Theresa's legs out from under her. They both got to their feet at the same time and Buffy launched into another flying kick, but her enemy was dust before she make contact. She landed on her ass with an audible thump and swore loudly. She turned to see Xander standing with a mini-crossbow in his hands smiling triumphantly. Buffy shot to her feet, marched over to him and slapped the weapon out of his hands.   
  
"Why the hell did you do that?" She screamed. "That was my fight!"   
  
He stared at her in confusion for a moment at her lack of gratitude and picked up the crossbow. He swallowed back his own anger at her.   
  
"I thought I was helping," he said.   
  
"I don't need your help," she spat.   
  
"Oh right," he shot back unable to keep his anger down. "You looked like a lost little puppy when you realized you knew who she was. I've never seen you act anything but tough and this gal had you *scared. *   
  
"She did not."   
  
"Bullshit," he retorted. "She had you shaking and I want to know why."   
  
He could see she was getting madder at him by the minute, but could tell that there was something inside of her beginning to unravel. Something she didn't want him to see.   
  
"It's none of your business," she said shortly.   
  
"It is when an 'old friend' of yours tries to kill me. It is when she talked about a 'master.' We already had a master around here Buffy and believe me when I say you didn't want to know him."   
  
"He's not thee master," she said. "Just her master."   
  
"Who is he?"   
  
"Don't worry about it."   
  
"Don't tell me not to worry about it damn it!" He yelled. "What is it? What are you not telling me?"   
  
He was livid. He could feel his pulse racing through every part of his body. His fists clenched and he dug his fingernails into his palms hard enough the draw blood. He set his face in a stone glare. He mentally apologized to Faith for ignoring her advice but he was beyond it now. He could see her anger fading, being replaced with something he couldn't quite put his finger on.   
  
"Like you're one to talk," she said weakly. "What are you hiding yourself Xander? Why are those scars there? Why'd you want to hurt yourself like that? Why do you fight this shitty little battle huh? What are you not telling me?"   
  
"Don't try to change the subject," he growled. "This is so not about me."   
  
He could see her anger fade even more, see her resolve weakening and knew he almost had her.   
  
"Who is it?" He asked gently. "Who's got you freaked out so badly?"   
  
She looked away from him wiping at her eyes and breathing heavily. When she looked back she wasn't scowling for once, or glaring, or frowning. She just looked tired.   
  
"I..."   
  
"You can tell me."   
  
"I can't," she said softly. "I just can't..."   
  
He wanted to yell at her again. Wanted to grab her by the shoulders and make her talk. He didn't dare touch her though, he knew that she would beat the hell out of him if he tried. He ran a hand through his hair and willed himself to calm down again.   
  
"Buffy," he said gently. "I know you're tough. You don't have to prove that to me. But you can't keep everything you're feeling all bottled up inside. It'll just eat away at your insides until there's nothing left..."   
  
He trailed off a second, his own words striking a familiar chord in him.   
  
"You won't even be able to look at yourself in the mirror anymore."   
  
She didn't respond right away, just stood there with her arms wrapped around herself. He hoped he was getting through to her. He hoped she'd give him something to respond to. She didn't.   
  
"How do you do it?" She asked. "I mean you... You seem to have your own set of miseries Xander. The kind that you keep all bottled up inside, so I have to know. How do you look in the mirror?"   
  
He shook his head. He should have known not to get his hopes up.   
  
"I don't," he said smiling sadly at her.   
  
***   
  
"So how did the slaying go last night?" Willow asked.   
  
"Well, aside from my knock down, drag out fight with Buffy and her freak out over that Theresa girl it was pretty uneventful. Well, other than that I got two vamps going at it on top of a crypt."   
  
Willow laughed and took a sip of her soda. "Hey, remember that time Giles caught you and Faith in the cemetery..."   
  
Xander shot an embarrassed glare at her and she quickly looked at her feet.   
  
"Shutting up now," she mumbled.   
  
"Is this the symbol you saw?" Giles asked putting a picture of the tattoo he'd seen on Theresa's arm in front of him. It was an exact match of the square with rounded ends and two triangles standing point to point inside of it.   
  
"That's it," he replied.   
  
"It's a marking of the Tribe of Cantor," Giles said lifting the book away from Xander as he read. "An old sect of vampires that originated during the Crusades. Very powerful and only the worst of vampires is allowed member ship. It's odd though, there isn't that much activity from them on this continent. "   
  
"Ah, so it was the sense of power that freaked her out maybe?" Xander began. "No, that's not it. Wait a minute. Theresa was taunting her about an old friend. She probably had a run in them before..."   
  
"And they killed her watcher and she ran to the hellmouth like Faith did?" Willow said. "What is it with slayers ending up here on the run from some big nasty right on their tales?"   
  
Both Giles and Xander turned to glare at her and she looked down her feet for the second time.   
  
"Shutting up again."   
  
"Charles Merrick was killed in a car accident, not by vampires," Giles corrected.   
  
"Kind of a boring way for a watcher to go," Xander said.   
  
"Oh my," Giles said reading more from the book. "If she did have a former encounter with them I would certainly understand why she would be frightened."  
  
"Why?" Xander asked. "What's so bad about them?"   
  
"I would say that the fact that their leader is responsible for atrocities that make Angelus look like an amateur is a good place to start."   
  
"Okay not liking where this is going," Willow threw in.   
  
"Who's the leader?" Xander inquired.   
  
"Lothos." 


	5. Crumbling

"Should I be laughing at what a typical evil vampire name that is or become overwhelmed with a sense of dread?" Xander asked without humor.   
  
"I think a bit of both would suit," Giles replied.   
  
"Lothos," Willow said shivering. "That just sounds evil."   
  
"He is evil," Buffy said from behind them. "Sure he looks a little like Rutger Hauer but don't let that fool you."   
  
The three of them turned, startled by her sudden appearance.   
  
"Who?" Giles questioned.   
  
"Blade Runner," Xander threw in.   
  
"Oh yeah," Willow replied. "And that one other bad movie about vampires..."  
  
"I thought you were heading for the hills," Xander said, dropping the line of conversation.   
  
"I thought about it," she admitted, avoiding his eyes. She turned her gaze to Giles, all business.   
  
"He's everything you'll read about and more," she said bluntly. "He doesn't play around."  
  
"So you've encountered him before?" Giles asked.   
  
"You could call it that," Buffy said quietly. Her hand moved slowly to touch the scar on her face, a move that didn't go unnoticed by Xander. He stared at her with eyes full of knowledge. He now had his answer of what had scared her so badly last night in the graveyard with Theresa. This Lothos had hurt her badly and she didn't want to be anywhere near something like it again. He knew the feeling. He looked at Giles and Willow to see that they hadn't picked up on the moment. He was glad. He didn't think that they would have understood.   
  
"He has power," she said. "It's like hypnosis. He makes you do whatever he wants."  
  
"Yes I've read that older vampires do acquire that particular ability," Giles said.   
  
"He's got it in spades," Buffy replied bitterly.   
  
She took a seat at the table and started to fill Giles in on her run in with the vampire god. Xander listened intently and noted that most of what she had to say were just mere technical aspects. How strong he was, how loyal his minions seemed to be. She spoke of how they first met in a small club in the bad part of town. He was just looking for a small massacre to stake his claim on the city. He succeeded in killing half of the club's patrons but she managed to save the other half. Lothos was furious at her interference and vowed to make her suffer. She didn't say exactly how he meant to do this, of course she wouldn't have. She told them about more run-ins, about how brutal he could be yet he never tried to kill her. He just killed all the innocents surrounding her knowing that it was the best way to get through. Giles, Willow, and Xander all looked at each other thinking the same thing. It was a pattern that they'd dealt with before.   
  
"It was like his objective was to make me think I was useless," she mumbled.   
  
She paused briefly, and like the night before he noticed that the facade of stone she kept around her was a bit thinner and she just looked tired. Xander made no move to comfort her, neither did Giles or Willow. It was a common known fact amongst them not to touch her.   
  
She told them of being captured by his minions, she even mentioned Theresa, and how he first used his hypnosis on her. She said it was like watching yourself on TV, that you could see and hear everything going on around but you couldn't do anything about it. Willow and Xander both looked at each other when she said that, they both knew what that was like. She didn't know how many days he'd kept her. But she escaped eventually, never going into detail how, and returned home to find a message from the police saying that Merrick was dead. Another message was from the council telling her that they were sorry to hear of a colleague's death and to head to California and contact a Rupert Giles and they would deal with her from there.   
  
"Lothos must have followed me here," She finished. "Or he was just drawn to the hellmouth like everything else seems to be."  
  
"Well, thank you Buffy," Giles said warmly. "This will be most helpful."   
  
She nodded and rose from her chair saying that she was going to get some water. Giles then poured over some books and Willow dove into the database trying to find out everything they could about their new threat. Xander helped for a moment, then went after Buffy when she didn't come back after five minutes. He found her sitting out in the hallway with her knees tucked under her chin. He approached her slowly, not wanting to startle or aggravate her. He paused in front of her and she looked up to him. She scowled only for a second, then let her facial features drop into no expression at all. She still looked tired to him but he knew there was nothing he could do at the moment to help her with it. Instead he spoke.   
  
"I know," he said softly.   
  
She looked at him, brow arched in curiosity. "Playing that game again huh?"   
  
He nodded. "I know he was the one who gave you that," he said pointing at the scar.   
  
Her hand shot to it immediately, an involuntary reaction of her own body. She ran her fingers lightly over the scar tissue on her cheek, closing her eyes and wincing at the memories. She looked away from him. Xander stared at her strangely, expecting that at any moment she would revert back to her old self again, and give him a stony glare telling him to mind his own business. He moved to sit next to her when she didn't.   
  
"You're not telling me to fuck off," he said in slight bewilderment. "This is a first."   
  
"Fuck off," she said lightly.   
  
He laughed mildly and they sat in silence for moment, a habit they seemed to have formed without realizing it. He was sure to keep his distance from her, worried that a slight brush of contact would ignite the old fire within her.   
  
"I know what's it's like," he said, his own voice sounding strange to his ears. He was never one to offer information about himself, at least not voluntarily. Yet as he sat next to her knowing the few small things she never would have told him on her own, he felt and odd compulsion to relate.   
  
"What?"  
  
"Being tortured," he said. "I've... Had some experience with it."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He pulled on the collar of his shirt to reveal the modest sized, white mouth shaped scar on his neck. She'd seen it before two days ago but hadn't gotten that good of a look. She couldn't see in the moonlight how deep it was. He pulled on his shirt a little more to reveal just how many more mouth-shaped marks there were. She gasped in spite of her self. She definitely hadn't seen just how many there actually were. From the base of his neck and well across the length of his shoulder lay a row of savage looking teeth marks. She looked at to him, but his head was turned the other way.   
  
"In the beginning of junior year a real cold hearted son of a bitch named Angelus rolled into town," he offered. "Giles had warned us about him. Told us he was legendary. He said that he greatly derived pleasure from mind games and torture. We ran into him a few times and he developed this kind of fascination with Faith, much to the dismay of my jealous heart. He actually flirted with her when they fought, left her flowers and dead animals as presents. He knew I was her boyfriend. I think he loved that he drove me crazy more than Faith. I vowed I'd kill him, or least be there when Faith did. He laughed, that guy was nothing but sneers and bravado, and said that he was tiring of my presence. He told me he was going to kill me. So this one night, Faith and I are on patrol down by the docks because we'd heard through this demon-snitching bartender that he had a place by the ocean. He sprung a little trap. At the time I thought it was for Faith, he had sent a good sized group of vamps after the two of us and they all ganged up on her. I fought, as many as I could, but there were too many you know? Anyway, they pick her up and toss her into the water and then they turn on me..."  
  
Buffy waited patiently for him to continue slightly intrigued by his need to share. She was pretty sure he'd been as closed off as she knew she was.   
  
"They all grab me and there I am thinking that my time was up. That I'd been lucky all the time I'd known Faith and helped her fight and now the luck had run out. Instead they just held me there. I could hear Faith splashing around in the water but there was no where for her to get out. She was screaming at them, saying every swear word ever invented. And then Angelus walks out clapping his hands like he'd just seen a Broadway show. He was smiling at me and I knew that the trap was for me. He told me that the best way to deal with slayers was to go after the ones they cared about. He said it made them weak. I was the perfect candidate for him to destroy Faith's sense of caring. He kept me for three days before she got me out..."  
  
He sighed heavily and fought a few tears that threatened to spill. Buffy wasn't sure what to do about it, offering comfort was something she'd ever been sure of, so she sat still and waited for him to finish.   
  
"He bit me over and over again, but never killing me. Taking just enough to where I was almost dead then letting me recover so he could do it again. He let his whole gang feed on me..."   
  
A pause.   
  
"I was so happy when she cut that bastard's head off..."   
  
He turned to face her and she was surprised to see him look so fragile. She'd seen him only in two modes, pissed off and stoic. Now here he was looking like he was going to cry and she didn't have the slightest clue what to do about it. She thought that something had to be done about all this mushy bullshit they had going on.   
  
"We'll get this Lothos guy Buffy," he said sternly. "We'll make him pay for what he did to you."   
  
"Still going with that we theme huh?" She replied.   
  
"You're going to keep arguing with me about it?"   
  
"Not right now," she said. "Xander?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Why are you being nice to me?"  
  
"Because..." He paused. He couldn't tell her about Faith telling him too but thought that it wouldn't have made much sense to her. Instead he came up with his own reasons.   
  
"Because I'm just like you," he said. "I know what it's like to have been hurt to way you have. I know what it's like to shut other people out because you think they couldn't possibly understand. I know it's like to fight the same fight night after night and never get anywhere. And as much as I hate to admit it, we're a lot alike Buffy. You've had pain and I've had pain. We're big on the pain thing here."  
  
She chuckled softly and he smiled at her.   
  
"Hey, do you realize that this is the first conversation we've had where we didn't yell at each other?"   
  
"I give it another five minutes," she offered.   
  
He laughed. They sat in silence once again. 


	6. Reasons

The coffee shop was completely empty except for the two of them. He sat and smoked while he watched her wolf down a huge piece of apple pie and a giant glass of milk. He politely ignored the sounds of her eating and looked around the vacant restaurant. It was an exact match of the old 50's style cafe out on the highway just outside of town. It'd been torn down a few years ago, but he still had fond memories of going there with Willow and Jesse. He stubbed his cigarette out into the ashtray on the table and immediately lit up another one.   
  
"You know that's a real filthy habit," she said in-between bites.   
  
"So is talking with your mouth full," he countered.   
  
She snorted and stuck out her food-covered tongue at him before taking a big swig of her milk.   
  
"Well my habit won't kill me," she said.   
  
"It will if you don't slow down, you're going to choke to death one of these days."   
  
"Uh huh," she said taking another bite. "Yum."   
  
He exhaled slowly, mocking her sense of enjoyment over her pie.   
  
"Mmm," he laughed. "All that nicotiney goodness."  
  
"Yeah whatever Denis Leary," she said rolling her eyes. She finished the last bite and looked to him seriously. "I heard you made good with the slayer," she said. "Nice to see you finally listening to me."   
  
"R-right," he replied. "Listens to advice guy, that's me."   
  
"I know you didn't follow it the way I told you to, but the end result was the same and that's all that matters."  
  
"I guess."  
  
"Hey, you two aren't at each other's throats anymore. That's a good thing in my book."   
  
He moved his hand across the table to link his fingers with hers. He frowned slightly when her hand shied away and she lowered her head. He stubbed out his cigarette and waited until she looked at him again.   
  
"What's wrong?" He asked.   
  
"You're going to have to stop doing that soon," she said.   
  
"What? Why?"   
  
She looked up at him sadly and the urge to grab her hand ran through him, but when he reached for it again she still withdrew.   
  
"Faith," he said gently. "What's going on?"  
  
"You can't keep doing this Xander," she said.   
  
"What?"  
  
"This," she said grabbing his hand. "And this." She waved her hands around the room. "And me." She pointed at herself. "You know this isn't real Xander. You know I'm not really here."  
  
"But..."   
  
"No, listen to me. This is all a part of you. These dreams you have and the love you still feel for me. It's all inside of your head. You are creating these moments between us. I mean I've never seen this Cafe, it was gone long before I got to town so what am I doing here? And this," she said pointing at their entwined hands. "Why do you keep torturing yourself like this?"  
  
"Why..." he began but looked away. "Why are you saying this?"  
  
"See that's exactly my point Xand," she said softly. "I'm not saying all these things. You are. What you see before you is nothing but a figment of your own mind. I'm just a part of you, so you must be saying to yourself that you don't want to go through this anymore."  
  
"Bullshit," he said. "If that was true why would I have even bothered making all of it in the first place huh?"  
  
"Grief," she said softly. "You still miss me terribly Xander. You know that. Otherwise I wouldn't even be here but... I guess there's a bigger part of you that wants it to end."  
  
"I don't believe that," he said weakly.   
  
"You do," she said leaning over the table to kiss his forehead. "Because if you didn't you would have kissed me right now wouldn't you?"  
  
He nodded numbly and turned his head to the window. "I don't want to lose you," he said.   
  
"You already have Xander," she replied. "I'm dead and buried."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Do you?"  
  
He nodded again. "I just didn't want to..."  
  
"I have to go," she said.   
  
"Please don't."  
  
She smiled sadly and leaned over to kiss him briefly on the lips. He reached his arms around her neck and kept her there, deepening the kiss. She returned it for a moment but moved his arms off of her and stood up.   
  
"I have to go," she said again. "Good-bye."  
  
He watched as she walked toward the door. He oddly felt no urge to chase after her though his body was edging toward the end of the table. He heard the bells on the door jingle and knew she was gone. He screamed and picked up a chair that sat upside down on the counter. He smashed it against the floor and grabbed another one and threw it through one of the windows. It didn't matter. The cafe was torn down years ago.  
  
***  
  
He awoke to feel Willow's hand gently shaking his shoulder. He jumped straight out of his chair and she leaped back, a startled squeak escaping her lips. He looked around the library confused for a minute before realizing where he was.  
  
"Are you okay?" Willow asked concerned.   
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"I said I was didn't I?"  
  
"Well, you were saying Faith's name a lot," she said. "I thought you were having another nightmare."  
  
"That's not what it was," he said softly. "Is it time to patrol yet?"   
  
"The sun just set," she informed him.   
  
"Good, where's Buffy and Giles?"   
  
"Buffy went to the bathroom; she should be back any second now. And Giles is in his office."  
  
Xander looked through the window across the counter and saw the Englishman inside. He looked back to Willow who was still looking concerned and he tried to smile but his lips felt weird moving that way. Instead he shrugged.   
  
"Are we Lothos hunting?" He asked.   
  
"That's part of the agenda," she said. "Someone called while you were asleep and reported some Bat demon activity in the woods. So you're also hunting for them."  
  
"Bat demons," Xander muttered. "Grand."  
  
Buffy walked in then and looked surprised to see him up. She walked over to the book cage and reached into the weapons cabinet grabbing a sword for herself. Xander walked over and grabbed his own sword as well as a few stakes just to be safe. She also grabbed a small lantern and a backpack.   
  
"Bat demon duty," she said inspecting the sharpness of the blade. "Should we bring earplugs and garbage bags?"  
  
"Earplugs and garbage bags?" Willow asked.   
  
"Earplugs for the sonar," Xander filled in. "And garbage bags because they tend to splatter."  
  
"It's hell on the dry cleaning," Buffy said.   
  
Both Xander and Willow looked at her, brows raised slightly.   
  
"What?" She said gruffly. "I can't have a sense of humor?"  
  
Xander raised his hands in surrender and inspected his own sword. It was sharp and freshly oiled, just waiting to go. He grabbed a scabbard to keep it in and strapped it to his back. Giles came out of his office and filled them in on a little bit more information about the demons. They could see very well in the dark, Giles warned, and they could fly. They did reside in caves and it was probably the best place to start looking. He wished them both happy hunting and they both left the library side by side.  
  
"Bat demons," she muttered when they got outside. "Just what I wanted to see again."  
  
"Dealt with them before have you?" He questioned.  
  
"Haven't you?"  
  
"Yeah."   
  
"Then you know what I mean."   
  
***  
  
"Remind me again why we're doing this," Xander requested as he walked around the front of the cave.   
  
"Because we're the good guys?" Buffy offered. "Got to rid these demons that scourge the earth."   
  
Xander lifted his flashlight and aimed it into the cave's mouth. The small beam of light offered nothing extremely helpful. He saw nothing but darkness. He unsheathed his sword and looked to Buffy who had done the same. He took a hesitant step into the cave and Buffy followed quickly behind him.   
  
"Is now a bad time to mention that I hate dark enclosed spaces?" He asked.   
  
"You could have said something before," she muttered. "You're not going to freak out on me or anything are you?"  
  
"I promise nothing."  
  
They moved slowly, letting their flashlights sweep as much of the cave as they could before stepping forward. Thousand's of bats hung from the ceiling and both hoped they would do nothing to piss them off. They weren't sure how far the cave descended into the earth and had little idea how far they'd already gone. The squeaking of the bats grew louder as they moved forward and both didn't bother to shine the lights on the ceiling again. A few minutes later Xander's boot squished into a big pile on the floor and he swore quietly.   
  
"They're close," he whispered.   
  
"How can you tell?" She asked.   
  
"Because the pile of guano I just stepped in was way to big for normal sized flying rodents to produce."   
  
"Yuck," she muttered. "Okay, I'm going to take the lantern out now."  
  
"Good."   
  
Buffy kneeled down and whipped the backpack from around her shoulders. She removed the small electric lantern from the bag and flipped the switch. Light filled the cave instantly and they now faced an entire pack of Bat Demons snarling at the intrusion.   
  
"Bad," Xander said jumping back into a fighting stance. "Start hacking!"   
  
Buffy leap to her feet and swung her sword swiftly around her head and sliced through the closest demon's arm. It squealed a high pitched wail that nearly made her ears bleed. She finished it off by ramming the sword through its chest. She looked over to Xander who was standing far too close to more than one adversary. He swung at one swiftly, the blade of his weapon slicing through its chest. He jumped at the next one and viciously bashed it in the nose with his elbow. He swung his sword around to cut through the third Bat's leg. She turned to kick a demon that had advanced on her and quickly shoved the hilt of her blade into it. She nearly jumped when Xander roared a battle cry and leaped into another pile of demons.   
  
"Xander!" She yelled. "What the hell are you doing?"   
  
If he heard her he made no notion of it. He swung his sword around, violently punching and kicking anything near him. She balked for a second before rushing into the fray. She'd never seen him act so savagely. He cried out again, leaping high in the air. She tackled two more demons and make quick work of them. She turned back to Xander but could only make out his outline in the weak light. He was fighting way to intently, putting too much of himself out there. She ran closer, sticking her sword into some still squirming vermin leftover on the floor.   
  
"Xander!" She shouted again.   
  
He turned to look at her and what stared back made her stop dead in her tracks. His teeth were snarled into a malicious grin as the Bat Demon swung its claws across his chest. He buckled to his knees, one hand grabbing at the wound. He growled at the demon but didn't make another move to retaliate. Buffy threw herself at the last demon, her sword arched high over her head, and brought down a brutal blow on the back of its neck. Its head came clean off. Xander laughed humorlessly and jabbed his sword into the ground and used it to pull himself to his feet. His hand still clung to his chest, but Buffy could tell in the soft glow of the lantern that there wasn't much blood.   
  
"I'd say we got them all," he said as he stood next to her.   
  
She took a step back, staring at him intently. He glanced to her with brows raised but she didn't answer his wordless question. She sheathed her sword and slowly moved toward the lantern tipped over on the ground. After a moment he followed. As they walked out of the cave she resisted the urge to yell at him for fear that she'd send all the bats on the ceiling into a frenzy. Once they reached the edge of the cave she let her anger show.   
  
"What the fuck was that?" She yelled.   
  
"What was what?" He asked, moderately confused.   
  
"That!" She screamed pointing her fingers to the scratches on his chest where the demon struck.   
  
He winced in pain and leaned forward slightly. She paced around him waiting for his response only getting madder when he didn't.   
  
"That was some fight in there Xander," she said bitterly. "What did you think you were doing huh? Ridding the entire world of evil with one pack of Bat Demons? Why the hell were you fighting so hard? Why the hell did you let that thing cut you? Why..." Her anger faded slightly with the realization. "You were going to let it hurt you." She said, the words making more sense as they poured out. "You weren't going to fight back were you? You were..."  
  
He stood up gradually, throwing the sword to the ground and turning his back on her.   
  
"You were going to let that thing kill you," she said.   
  
He spun to face her, the anger evident in his eyes, but the rest of his body looking defeated. She stood there, staring at him intently.   
  
"Why'd you try to kill yourself Xander?" She asked, immediately regretting the words as they left her lips.   
He stared a hole through her head; he glared at her so hard. It had been a silent agreement since the day she'd first seen the scars. She would not ask, and he would not tell. He turned away from her and she thought he was going to walk away. Instead he spoke.   
  
"I looked up to her so much," he said softly. "She didn't act like a hero; just did her job night after night. I watched her face death so many times..."  
  
He didn't need to say whom. Buffy knew any "she" or "her" reference he made when they were poking fun at other people was to Faith. He turned back to look at her and she was waiting patiently for him to continue.   
  
"My life was shit before she came here. Hell it still is shit, but it seemed so much worse then. My home life sucked, a lot of my friends died "mysterious deaths", and I was going nowhere in school. And then I meet this girl." He paused, looking up at the star filled sky briefly. "She was so different from anyone I'd ever known. She was tough as nails on her own; she made that very clear, but also had this amazing gift to help all of human kind. She was the slayer. I got so lost in this crazy world where everything you ever feared was under your bed turned out to be real. I let myself get completely absorbed in it, in her. I was there even when she didn't want me to be. She was my hero, and I loved her madly. And the beautiful thing, after a long while and much to my shock, was that she loved me back. This single girl in all the world loved me back. She was my entire life." He paused again. "I dream about her all the time and it's like she isn't gone. But I know she is." A few tears slipped from his eyes and he rolled up his sleeves, exposing the scars to Buffy. "When she died... I wanted to join her." He looked at her sadly. "So I tried."   
  
He took a few deep breaths, trying to control the outpour of emotion coursing through him.   
  
"Giles found me; I don't know how he knew. But he took me to the hospital, got me fixed up. Set me up with a counselor to help me through. So I'm still here, I'm still fighting."   
  
She had moved a little closer to him as he talked; she didn't know what possessed her to. Her body moved without her mind thinking about it. Her hand reached out, but he didn't look at it. He continued talking.   
  
"You ask me why I fight?" He asked. "In the beginning I fought for her. She's gone. And now..."  
  
He looked at her, not caring about the tears in his eyes.   
  
"I fight because I want to die." 


	7. Feelings

"How did the patrol go?" Willow asked as Buffy walked slowly through the library doors.   
  
The blond haired girl didn't reply, just walked numbly to the book cage and put away her materials. Willow eyed Buffy strangely as she walked to the table and took a seat. She was completely unsure of what to do around her. They'd never really spoken. Only a few shared bits and pieces of talk that could somewhat resemble a conversation, but nothing real. She looked back to her computer continuing the research on Lothos. She assumed Xander had gone to the bathroom or was getting a snack from the vending machines when he didn't come in right away. A few minutes passed before she looked up from her computer to see that Buffy hadn't moved an inch. She opened her mouth to ask a question, but Buffy asked first.   
  
"Where's Mr. Giles?"  
  
"At home," Willow replied. "After three nights of sleeping on the couch in his office he said that he wanted to sleep in his real bed for a change." "Oh," was all Buffy replied.   
  
"Is something wrong?" Willow asked. "Where's Xander?"  
  
Willow frowned when Xander's name caused Buffy to shiver and she knew that something was definitely not right.   
  
"Where's Xander?" She asked more urgently. "Did something happen? Is he hurt?"  
  
Buffy still didn't reply, causing a frustrated groan from the redhead. She stood up from her chair, folding her arms across her chest. She tried to look tough, even put on her famous resolve face, but the slayer remained stoic.   
  
"Is Xander okay?" She asked again with a little bit more force behind her words.   
  
"Depends on your definition of okay," Buffy muttered.   
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"He..." Buffy began. "Nevermind."   
  
"Tell me," Willow said flatly. "Please."  
  
"How long ago did Xander try to kill himself?" Buffy asked.   
  
Willow couldn't stop her jaw from opening just a little bit. She stared blankly for a few seconds wondering how exactly she had found out about Xander's little... incident. He wouldn't have just told her something like that. Would he?  
  
"S-seven months ago," she answered. "But he's better now. I mean we got him some help and... Oh god he didn't try again did he?"  
  
"No," Buffy assured her. "No he didn't but he told me something tonight that just... Well, I didn't know what to think of it. I mean, we fight together and that's about it. We don't know all that much about each other."   
  
"Where is he?"   
  
"Home, I think. He kind of left after we were done with the demons."  
  
"He's all right though?"   
  
"Physically?" Buffy asked. "He got slashed a little bit but it's not to bad. A little alcohol will clean it up and it'll be fine."   
  
"But you think that he's emotionally hurt or something?" Willow wondered aloud.   
  
"I wouldn't doubt that," Buffy replied. "Look Willow I know we're not friends or anything..."  
  
"We are," Willow assured. "Well kind of."   
  
"I know we both... Um, care about Xander." Willow took note that Buffy seemed to struggle with the word care. The girl had her own boatload of emotional problems. "And I think he's a little, I don't know. But it isn't good. We should talk to him." Willow was actually surprised that Buffy suggested that they help Xander. When she first arrived in town, Willow thought they hated each other. But something must have happened, something she didn't know about.   
  
"We could go look for him at his house," Willow offered. "But I doubt he's there. His parents are kind of well; well they don't pay much attention to him."  
  
"I know," Buffy replied. "He told me," she said off of Willow's look.   
  
"Well let's go then," Willow said shutting down her computer.   
  
They both started to walk out when Willow remembered a package that had come for Buffy a few hours ago. She turned back and went into Giles' office where they had put it. Buffy stared at Willow with a confused look on her face when she handed her the package.   
  
"This came for you a few hours ago," Willow filled in.   
  
"From who?"  
  
"Didn't say."  
  
Buffy shook the package near her ear like a kid with a present on Christmas day. She moved over to the counter and ripped away the paper and string. Lifting the top off the box she gasped at the sight of content inside. Willow looked over Buffy's shoulder to see a black leather jacket neatly folded and wrapped in tissue paper with a little note taped to one of the lapels.   
  
"What is it?" Willow asked.   
  
"It's mine," Buffy replied quietly.   
  
"Why would someone send you your own jacket?"  
  
"Because," she said lifting up the note to show it to Willow. "They want to let me know that they know I'm here."  
  
Willow took the note, surprised by Buffy for the umpteenth time that night. She never actually thought she would have handed the note to her, or even told her that the jacket was hers. She read the note and gasped herself.   
  
"Soon," it said.   
  
"Lothos?" Willow asked.   
  
"The one and only," Buffy muttered. "Whatever, I doubt he's going to attack now. He probably just wanted to scare me the bastard." She looked to Willow, and any trace of shock she'd had was gone. "Let's go find Xander."   
  
Willow looked at her, the realization striking slight jealousy within her but even more astonishment at Buffy's lack of concern for herself, and more for Xander. There'd been no signs to speak of. If anything she thought they would end up killing each other. Not this.   
  
"You..." Willow began, the words feeling strange on the tip of her tongue.   
  
Buffy turned back, eyebrow raised.   
  
"You really like him don't you?" She asked.   
  
She flinched when Buffy's gaze turned cold and her brows creased together. She thought for a second Buffy might hit her, or at least, yell at her. But she just folded her arms and glared.   
  
"I'm sorry," Willow blurted. "It was a dumb thing to say and I didn't think. I sometimes do that, and if you hang around me long enough you might see it but..."  
  
"Forget it," Buffy said flatly. "And forget about looking for him. He's a big boy; he can take care of himself."  
  
Willow looked on helplessly as Buffy grabbed her package from the counter and stormed out of library. She sighed. One of these days she'd have to learn to keep her mouth shut.   
  
***  
  
She trudged into her bedroom on tired feet. The clock on the side of her bed read two-thirty. Another night of staying at the library way too long. Removing her coat and kicking off her shoes, she threw her backpack on the floor next to her desk and flopped backwards onto her bed. All she wanted right now was to forget what she had discovered about Buffy and go to sleep. A tapping on her French doors made her fall off the bed, but she scuffled to her feet and moved to open them.   
  
"Xander," she said opening the doors. "Didn't go home again?"  
  
He brushed past her and sat on the edge of the bed. He still had the sword he'd taken from the library, which he let drop to the floor with a thump. Willow sat next to him and rubbed his back gently as he hung his head in his hands.   
  
"I had to think," he whispered. "You know I can't do it there."   
  
"Are you thinking about Buffy?" She asked.   
  
His head shot up, an astounded look plastered across his face.   
  
"She came back to the library earlier," she said. "She was acting kind of funny, I mean, she wasn't being mean or anything. She actually answered me when I asked her stuff. And she asked about you. Trying to... Well how you got your scars and..."  
  
"She asked about that?"   
  
"Kind of," she admitted. "She seemed really concerned for you Xander."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Willow nodded, bending over to pick up the sword from her floor. She looked and the Bat Demon blood splattered all over the scabbard and put it back down. She put her arm around his shoulders and pulled his head into her lap, softly petting his hair and offering small comfort.   
  
"What happened tonight?" She asked.   
  
"Nothing," he replied.   
  
"You seemed pretty down about nothing."  
  
"I'm always down."   
  
"Did you two get into another fight?"  
  
"I wouldn't call it that," he said.   
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
He sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist, squeezing slightly and getting as much contact as he could. She continued to stroke his head and waited patiently for him to go on. It was only a matter of time. He kept very little from her.   
  
"I told her something," he mumbled.   
  
"Told her what?"  
  
"Something I shouldn't have."  
  
"Like?"  
  
"Like something I shouldn't have."  
  
Willow sighed and kissed the top of his head hoping to coax it out of him, but he kept quiet for a few minutes more, leaving her to wish for sleep once again.   
  
"You didn't tell her you liked her did you?"  
  
She felt him tense in her arms and for the second time that night she wished she could take her words back. Xander didn't try to move away but she could tell that he wasn't enjoying the comfort of her arms like he normally did.   
  
"What makes you say that?" He asked.   
  
"I don't know," she replied. "Just the first thing that came to mind. Really, I just blurted it out."  
  
He lifted his head to look at her but his face held no expression. She reached a hand to graze his cheek and he let her. She honestly wanted to take her words back because she could see the questions forming in his mind as to why she would have said what she did.   
  
"Did Buffy say something like that?" He questioned. "About liking me?"  
  
"No," she replied. "Not exactly."  
  
"Tell me," he said.   
  
"Well, she came in tonight all dazed about whatever you said. And she was being nice, kind of, and that is strange behavior for her. She asked about your... Incident. And seemed really concerned about you. Even the package she got from Lothos didn't seem to phase her."  
  
"Wait," Xander said sternly. "She got a package from Lothos? Why didn't you say something about that first?"  
  
"Well, I wasn't thinking of it. You came in here looking like you needed me and it slipped my mind. I was kind of too busy thinking about what could be going on between the two of you."   
  
"There's nothing going on," he said.   
  
"Well, how do I know that? The way she reacted when I asked if she really liked you just screamed denial. And the way you reacted when I asked you did too."   
  
"There's nothing going on," he said again.   
  
"Are you sure?"   
  
"Positive. What was in the package?"  
  
"A jacket," she answered. "She said it was hers, and it came with a note that said 'soon.' So we both kind of assumed Lothos was telling her he knew she was here."  
  
"Where did she go?"  
  
"I don't know, she kind of stormed out on me."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cause that's when I asked if she really liked you."  
  
"Oh." He paused. "What did she say?"   
  
"Nothing, she just kind of gave me that glare of death of hers and left."  
  
"I should go find her," he said standing up.   
  
"And do what?"  
  
"I don't know, but if Lothos knows she's here he's bound to go after her and she shouldn't be alone."  
  
He grabbed the sword off the floor and kissed Willow softly on her forehead.   
  
"Thanks for being here," he said seriously.   
  
"Always," she replied.   
  
He smiled at her and opened the doors leading to her balcony.   
  
"Xander," she called after him.   
  
He stopped and turned back to her.   
  
"Be careful," she said, the words carrying different meanings.   
  
He saluted and disappeared into the night. 


	8. Passion

She sat on the stiff motel bed finishing off the rest of the chicken salad sandwich she'd bought at the 7-11 down the street. It was terrible, the bread was soggy, the chicken tasted funny, and she was pretty sure the mayonnaise had turned. At least it filled her up. Curling up the wrapper into a ball and tossing it into the garbage, she took a swig from her Big Gulp of Dr. Pepper to wash the remains of the sandwich down. She clicked the TV on and grunted when it shown nothing but squiggled images and thick black lines. She put her drink down and walked over to smack the side of the TV. Nothing. She smacked it again and played around with the antenna. Still nothing.   
  
"Work you piece of shit," she muttered.   
  
She considered tossing it out of the window but she'd lose her deposit. She raised her hand for one final blow but a knock at the door stopped her. She put aside her daydream of rock star hotel TV smashing and wondered who the hell was coming to see her so late at night. She paused and grabbed a stake from her pocket to be safe. Opening the door, she nearly slammed closed again at the person on the other side,but managed to keep her arm from doing it.   
  
"Hi," he said.   
  
"Hi," she replied.   
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
She stepped aside and waved her hand dismissively. He walked inside and looked at the dingy surroundings. It wasn't so bad. Maybe a few throw pillows, a coat of paint, and exterminator to make it somewhat hospitable. He took a seat on the edge of the bed.   
  
"By all means sit down," she said.   
  
"This place isn't so bad," he offered.   
  
"Yeah, well it isn't the Ritz," she mumbled.   
  
"You know the Ritz isn't all that..."   
  
She folded her arms and glared at him.   
  
"Nevermind."  
  
"What are you doing here?" She asked.   
  
"Willow told me that you got a package from Lothos," he answered.   
  
"You talked to Willow?" She bit out sharply.   
  
"Uh, yeah," he replied, hesitating slightly.   
  
"When?"  
  
"At her house."  
  
"Just now?"  
  
"About a half-hour ago. Why? What's up?"  
  
"Nothing." "Are you sure? You seem kind of tense."  
  
"I'm fine," she growled.   
  
"Okay," he said raising his arms. "Okay."   
  
She took a seat on the chair near the bathroom door and twirled the stake in her hand. He looked at her and Willow's words ran through his mind. It felt a little weird being so close to her now that he slightly suspected she might have feelings for him. It felt a little weird that there was even the possibility of her having feelings for him. There was also that strange feeling he had... No, he didn't. He loved Faith and she was dead. Case closed.   
  
"So what did he leave you?" He asked, breaking the silence.   
  
"Huh?"  
  
"The package," Xander filled in. "The one that the evil vampire god Fed Ex'ed to you."  
  
Buffy looked at something on the floor near the table on the side on the bed and Xander twisted his body so he could peer over the side. A black leather jacket lay crumpled in a pile. He looked up at Buffy to find her looking at him and she quickly turned away.   
  
"He gave you a jacket?" Xander asked. "That was kind of generous. For a blood-sucking fiend I mean."  
  
"It's mine," she said gruffly. "A friend of mine in Cleveland gave it to me awhile back and when Lothos... Well he took it from me."  
  
Xander nodded and turned on the bed so it was easier to face her. She wasn't looking at him anymore, keeping her eyes locked on the floor. He was unsure of how to continue. He wasn't going to bring up anything Willow had told him for slight fear that he would royally piss her off. Also, he still wasn't sure what to think of all it. Buffy, ass kicking, bad attitude, 'I don't need your help' Buffy Summers actually liking him on any level? It was a thought too strange to comprehend.   
  
"What are we going to do now?" He asked.   
  
"Do about what?" She said, firmly keeping her eyes away.   
  
"Lothos," he answered. "I mean, he knows your here and it seems like he has some intention of going after you. I don't see him as the type to send gifts and flee town."  
  
"He's not," she replied.   
  
"Well, what's the plan here? What do you want to do?"   
  
"I don't know," she said honestly. "If I had my way I wouldn't be sticking around to find out what he has planned. I'd be long gone."  
  
"Well why aren't you long gone?"  
  
She looked at him briefly before turning her eyes away again.  
  
"I have my reasons," she mumbled. "And I'm no coward."  
  
He slid further down the bed and silently willed her to look at him. She still kept her eyes locked on the floor.   
  
"Buffy," he said quietly reaching for her hand.   
  
He felt her tense as he moved closer but she kept still. She let him touch her hand and he was mildly surprised that she did so. Her fingers were rough and callous from many nights of fighting and training. Still, they were smaller than his, and despite the gruffness of them they were still feminine. Their eyes locked as he squeezed her hand gently and was it his imagination, or did she lean forward a little bit? He felt his own fingers shake against hers and slowly moved closer himself. Neither he nor she had any idea what was happening. In their minds they were partners and nothing more but there was still something in this moment left unexplained. It's what was drawing them together now.   
  
"What are you doing?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.   
  
"I don't know," he replied his voice just as low.   
  
He inched closer and their lips barely brushed...   
  
A loud crash at the door made them jump apart and they both immediately jumped into fighting stances. Xander pulled a stake from his belt and Buffy grabbed her own from her pocket. They looked at each other and nodded. She edged her way closer to the door while he hopped over the bed and peaked between the blinds.   
  
"What do you see?" She asked quietly.   
  
"Three guys," he replied. "Two look like Van Damme clones and the other one looks kind of old. Gray hair and a funny looking suit. Anybody you know?"  
  
She didn't respond and he looked away from the window to see her frozen next to the TV.   
  
"Buffy!" He hissed quietly. "Do you know these guys?"  
  
She nodded slowly and eased her way toward the bathroom.   
  
"We have to get out of here," she said. "Now."   
  
He hopped back over the bed and went to enter the bathroom when the front door was ripped from its hinges and tossed aside. The older looking vampire smiled smugly on the other side of the doorway, brushing the cape he wore away from his shoulders, he looked at Buffy and his smile grew deeper.   
  
"It that who I think it is?" Xander asked, still making his way to the bathroom door.   
  
"Uh huh," Buffy replied. "We need to get out of here now."   
  
"Oh I don't think you'll get very far," Lothos taunted.   
  
The bathroom window crashed from the other side of the door and both Xander and Buffy heard the snarls of another team of vamps.   
  
"Buffy," he said warmly. "So nice to see you again. Though you never called, never wrote."  
  
"Like I'd waste my time," she shot out.   
  
"Now is that the way you talk to an old friend?" Lothos asked. "Where are your manners?" "You can shove them up your ass," she said.   
  
"Still the same gutter mouthed little girl," he said reminiscently. "Not going to invite me in?"  
  
"You've got to be kidding me."   
  
"Well," Lothos began stepping through the doorway. "I was trying to be polite but I suppose manners get you nowhere these days."  
  
"How the hell?" Xander asked aloud.   
  
Lothos turned to smile grimly at him.   
  
"The hotel manager's permission overrides her occupancy of the room," the old vampire answered. "Who's the new beau Buffy?" He asked. "He's taller than the last one."   
  
"Bastard," Buffy said spitting at him.   
  
He calmly wiped the saliva from his forehead and turned to his two bodyguards still waiting outside the room.   
  
"Get them," he ordered.   
  
Buffy leapt to avoid one of the vampires that came barreling into the room like a battering ram and twirled to kick him in the ass and into the wall. The other vamp charged at Xander and he leapt over the bed again. The vampire growled at him and charged again. Xander crouched low as the vampire drew nearer and shot his hand up rapidly, the stake slamming home. The cloud of dust burst over him and he shot to his feet to help Buffy when he felt an icy hand grab his shoulder. He spun to knock it away but it held firm. It squeezed harshly and Xander dropped to his knees with the pain. He tilted his head to see Lothos smiling cruelly down at him.   
  
"You're a wiley one aren't you?" He asked.   
  
Xander raised his stake but the vampire god knocked it away easily.   
  
"I say, Buffy," he taunted grabbing her attention from pummeling the other bodyguard. "I'd stop beating on poor Claude if I were you."   
  
Buffy looked to see Xander in Lothos' grip and dropped the already unconscious vampire to the ground. She moved to rush him but Lothos hauled Xander up by his shoulders and wrapped his cold hands around his head.   
  
"One more step Missy and I break your little friend's neck," he said matter-of-factly. "And I know you wouldn't want me to do that again."   
  
Buffy stopped dead in her tracks and Xander struggled to breathe in the chokehold.   
  
"Let him go," Buffy ordered.   
  
"Let me think about that," Lothos said. "I've thought about it. No."  
  
He tightened his arms and Xander felt his mind slipping. The last thing he saw were two vamps storming out of the bathroom and tackling Buffy from behind. The rest was only blackness.  
  
***  
  
"You and the slayer were sure looking cuddly before the big bad came crashing in," she said stroking his hair lightly.   
  
"Faith?" He asked groggily.   
  
"The one an only," she replied pushing him back down when he tried to move.   
  
"Am I asleep?"  
  
"If you count being choked until you passed out as sleeping," she said smirking at him. "Then I guess you are."  
  
"What happened?"   
  
"You were attacked;" Faith filled in. "I'm pretty sure this is some kind of delusional unconscious thing on your part."   
  
"Maybe," he said.   
  
"So, you and Buffy looked like you were getting pretty close there."  
  
"Oh god," he began. "Faith listen I didn't..."  
  
"Ssh," she replied cooing him gently. "How many times have I told you Xander? I'm not really here. I'm dead remember? Flying with Angels? Harps and clouds? Ring a bell?"  
  
"But..."  
  
"But nothing. You were going to kiss her," she said. "Even more importantly you *wanted* to kiss her, even if you didn't realize it at the time. I'd say that's a major breakthrough on your part."  
  
"You're not mad?"  
  
"Why would I be?"  
  
"I love you," he said.   
  
"I know that," she replied. "And I love you too. But I'm gone Xander. It's time you realized that."  
  
"I... I think I have," he offered.   
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes. You were right I wanted... I actually wanted to kiss her."   
  
"Good," she said. "I finally got through that thick head of yours. Although you know this means you won't be seeing me like this anymore."  
  
"I know," he said sadly.   
  
"Hey," she said moving to kiss him gently. "We had a good run boy toy. Think about the good times as well as the bad." "It's too hard to say good-bye," he admitted.   
  
"Then don't say it," she said simply. "We'll see each other again."   
  
He closed his eyes as she moved to kiss him and he returned it with vigor. One last taste of her lips before he went back to reality, finally ready to let her ghost inside him rest. When he opened his eyes she was gone.   
  
***  
  
"Xander," he heard quietly as a hand began shaking him. "Xander," it said again. "Wake up."  
  
He groaned as he rolled onto his side. His neck felt sore and the headache festering at the base of his skull was growing with each passing second. He noticed the rocky surface underneath him and put his hand down to feel it. The stone was cold against his fingers. His opened his eyes hesitantly to see Buffy's face towering over him.   
  
"Where are we?" He mumbled sitting up.   
  
"I don't know," she replied. "I only woke up a minute ago."   
  
He looked around and only saw darkness staring back at him. The floor surface seemed to be flat and even and he moved to stand but the pain in his head kept him on the ground.   
  
"Sit still," she commanded, gently pushing him back down.   
  
She kept her hand lightly planted on his chest and he reached to touch it. A small intimate gesture that she didn't shy away from. He could barely see her face in the dark.   
  
"We're not tied up," he said lightly.   
  
"We're in a cage made out of rock," she replied. "There was no need to tie us down."   
  
"How come he didn't kill us?"  
  
"He doesn't play around," Buffy said softly. "But that doesn't mean he doesn't like to play. He has something planned I think."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"I don't know," she said sadly. "But it can't be good."  
  
"Stone cage, powerful vamp looking to end our lives in some brutal fashion. I'd say we're far from..."  
  
His last words were cut off by Buffy's lips pressing to his. He balked for second, the shock stilling his response so much that she began to pull back, but he threw his arm around her and kept her close. Her tongue invaded his mouth, deepening the kiss. She moved closer, pressing her body firmly against his. They tasted one another, nipped at each other's lips. She moaned gently against him and he let himself be lost in her touch. After a few minutes she broke away, leaving him breathless.   
  
"We might die tonight," she whispered. "And I just had to know what that was like." 


	9. Dust

His eyes opened slowly and he rubbed at them with his hands before yawning. Feeling the stone underneath his back he realized that he was still trapped in the cave like cage. He wasn't exactly sure how long they've been inside, probably hours. His stomach rumbled and he remembered that the last thing he ate was a cup of noodles the day before. Or was it two days ago? He didn't know. Buffy mumbled something incoherent against his shoulder and his mouth turned up in a smile. It was a strange feeling to him. To be sleeping next to Buffy like this. He remembered the kiss and his smile grew wider. He looked throughout the darkness of the cave, felt the stiffness in his back, and the soreness of his neck. He felt even stranger. They were in a lose/lose situation and here he was smiling and thinking of a kiss. Maybe people were right. Maybe he really was crazy.   
  
Buffy stirred next to him and slowly lifted her head from his shoulder. She immediately jumped back and threw her hands up in defense.   
  
"Whoa Buffy," he said moving to sit up. "Relax, everything is okay."  
  
She seemed to pause a moment before lowering her hands and the rigid-ness of her body slowly relaxed. She sat away from him and hugged her sides.   
  
"We're still here huh?" She asked.   
  
"Home sweet hell," he deadpanned.   
  
"How long was I out?"   
  
"I'm not sure, I fell asleep too."  
  
"Great."   
  
They sat for a few minutes trying to think of a possible way to get out of incarceration without dying. Few answers came to them and the ones that did required tools. Tools they didn't have. He tried not to think about the kiss at a time of crisis like this. He thought she was purposely sitting away from him because of it, but the moment just kept replaying in his mind over and over. It was unexpected to say the least, but he'd almost kissed her in her hotel room. He would have if Lothos hadn't burst through the door. He shook his head hoping it might drive the thoughts away.   
  
Buffy sighed and punched the wall in frustration. She pulled her hand away to reveal a hole the size of her fist embedded in the rock. Her knuckles bled slightly and without thinking Xander tore a piece of his shirt and gently wrapped the cloth around her hand. She looked at him hesitantly.   
  
"You're bleeding," he said softly.   
  
"It's fine," she replied just a quietly.   
  
He could see her eyes glowing in the dim light. He lifted his hand to run along her cheek and smiled faintly. They leaned closer...  
  
The bolt on the door slid open and the room was suddenly filled with the dull light of a lantern. Buffy and Xander jumped to their feet into fighting stances. The vamps feral eyes shined and their teeth flashed with amusement. They surrounded the duo, cutting off any chance of running through the doorway.   
  
"It's time," one of them said tonelessly.   
  
Three vamps shoved the two of them out of the doorway and into the hall. Buffy's eyes searched for any means of escape but found none. The walls seemed to be made of stone as well, and were at least twelve feet high. The cage they were in seemed to be at a dead end. The only way to go was forward but entire hall was filled with vampires. If she at least had a stake she would have taken a chance.   
  
"Move," a vampire growled in her ear and stuck a prod into her side.   
  
It jolted her with a few volts of electricity and she reflexively kicked out at her shocker only to be mauled by four more prods. Had she been anyone but the slayer she would have been knocked unconscious. She hunched over and Xander moved to get closer to her but was only met with shock of the prods himself. He dropped to his knees but stood quickly. He looked at Buffy; his face already covered in sweat from the exertion of the pain. He nodded slowly and they both began to walk down the hall.   
  
They passed through double-doors at the end of the hall and stepped into a huge warehouse like room. It was extravagantly decorated. Velvet banners hung from the walls and ceiling, gold plated frames adorned the sides of the room with priceless works of art, and an old fashion candlelit chandelier provided the light. It almost looked like a medieval castle. With one final shove the vampire hordes tossed them into the center of the room. The slow, anguished sounds of a violin came from behind them and they both whirled around to see Lothos sitting on top of a coffin; violin perched under his chin, smiling at them.   
  
"I thought vampires didn't use coffins," Xander said.  
  
"He's a sucker for the stereotype," Buffy replied.   
  
Lothos continued to smile as he put down his instrument. "So nice of you to drop by," he said.   
  
"Cut the bullshit," Buffy said, her tone clipped and irritated. "Why didn't you kill us? And why are we here?"   
  
"So many questions my dear," he taunted mildly.   
  
"I'm kind of curious myself," Xander threw in. "For a guy who seems to love the lovey dovey vampire romanticism of literary stereotypes, you missed out on the killing part."   
  
Lothos arched a brow curiously at Xander, surprised that a mere mortal would use such a tongue with him. He sighed dramatically, putting the back of his hand to his forehead. Both Buffy and Xander rolled their eyes at him.   
  
"For someone as old as I," he began. "You have very little to worry about in terms of premature loss of life. I could easily kill anyone I please and after so many years the thrill of the hunt fades. Stakes and crosses and holy water only become nuisances. What really threatens the old ones, my dear guests, is boredom. You wouldn't believe how years can go by and absolutely nothing changes."   
  
He stopped and turned to Buffy, a wistful smile curling on his lips.   
  
"Torturing you was the most fun I've had in centuries. When you left that dreadful city I found myself with nothing to do. I felt inclined to follow you. So here I am, and here you are."  
  
"That's what this is?" Buffy spat. "You just want to torture me to kill your boredom?"   
  
"I'm afraid you've oversimplified it, but yes, that why we're all here."   
  
Buffy stared at him coldly, all the hatred she had for the vampire burning through her veins and causing her blood to boil. She felt the scar tissue on her face itch for revenge. She knew then that she would kill him no matter what. If she died too, fine, whatever. But she wasn't going alone.  
  
"Now I thought about just sitting on my chair and watching you fight my forces. It'd be so entertaining don't you think? Much like the emperor of ancient Rome watching the Gladiators hack each other to bits. But I'm afraid I've already put you through that haven't I?"  
  
Xander looked to Buffy, whose body was so stiff with rage she could have passed for a board. Lothos' hordes circled around the two of them and Xander crouched into a fighting stance waiting for the inevitable attack. He stood slowly when it didn't come.   
  
"I have something so much more... fun in mind," he said with a grin turning his eyes to Xander. "Will the slayer be able to kill her boyfriend in order to stop him from killing her?"  
  
"No!" Buffy shouted.   
  
"What the fuck are you talking... about...," Xander began. He suddenly couldn't talk anymore and felt as if something had shoved him out of the driver's seat of his own mind. He watched helplessly from behind the shield of his eyes as his body moved to attack Buffy.   
  
Buffy stared at him in horror, tears gently running down her cheeks as she saw Xander's eyes glaze over and his jaw become slack.   
  
"You son of a bitch," she muttered at Lothos. "I'm going to love killing you."   
  
"I wouldn't worry about me just yet," Lothos laughed. "I heard he is versed quite well in fighting mannerisms."   
  
Xander rushed at her, the blank daze of his eyes nearly throwing her off. She dodged his swing easily and spun to counterattack. It took all of her will power not to strike him back with all her strength. He spun around, swinging his arms swiftly, and throwing out his legs in rapid kicks. She easily bobbed around his fists and feet and swept her left leg out to trip him to the ground. She jumped on top of him, forcing his arms down with her hands and keeping his legs at bay with her knees.   
  
"Xander!" She shouted. "Fight it you hear me! You can fight it!"  
  
He made no sound as he struggled against her. His face still held the blank expression as his body used all its strength. Lothos laughed merrily from his chair and Buffy turned her head to glare at him. Her one second lack of attention gave Xander he opportunity to throw her off of him. He leapt to his feet and rushed her again, swinging his arms and legs with precision. Buffy blocked as many shots as she could but Lothos' hold over him gave his body the advantage of not feeling fatigue. He just kept coming and coming and Buffy's arms began to feel heavy after blocking so many times.   
  
"Fight it god damn it!" She screamed at him.   
  
"Give it up Buffy," Lothos taunted. "No mortal can withstand my power. The boy is mine. So I suggest you keep fighting unless you want him to get the upper hand."   
  
Xander leapt at her again and tackled her to the ground. He pinned her down and began to punch viciously at her face. She could only dodge by moving her head, but she knew he should have hit her by now. She looked into his eyes and saw that there was still nothing behind them, but his teeth were gritted with strain. She sighed with relief, turning her head against another punch. He was fighting it. He wasn't able to hit her because he was fighting Lothos' hold .   
  
"Come on Xander," She encouraged. "Don't let this Dracula reject make you his puppet."   
  
A low growl emitted from Xander's throat, and the blows against Buffy became slower and less accurate. Sweat dripped from his forehead with the effort. Lothos looked on bemused at the struggle.   
  
"That's it," Buffy groaned, her body tiring from the weight of him atop her and his strenuous efforts. "Fight it Xander. Fight it."   
  
Xander roared in pain as he threw himself off of her, clutching his head as he hit the ground.  
  
"No!" Lothos shouted rising from his chair. "No human can resist my thrall!"  
  
Buffy shot to her feet and glared at Lothos.   
  
"Don't underestimate him," she said.   
  
Xander still lay on the ground fighting Lothos' power on his mind as the other vampires began to advance on him. Buffy spun on her heel and kicked the one closest to him in the chest, sending it flying across the room.   
  
"Enough of these games!" Lothos bellowed. "Kill them both!"  
  
All the vamps in the room rushed to two of them and Buffy picked Xander up from the ground, tossing him over her shoulder. She swung him around so that his feet kicked out at three of the vampires, knocking them back and forming a hole in their numbers. She ran as fast as she could through the hole and busted out of the velvet lined room into the hall. She ran the only direction she could go and prayed there was a way out.   
  
"Buffy," Xander said. "Put me down, I can walk."   
  
She jerked to a stop and threw him on his feet. Grabbing his face in both hands, she stared into his eyes double checking that he was all there. She sighed in relief when she saw the fiery determination in the warm brown orbs. She kissed him briefly on the lips and grabbed his hand and they took off down the hall. They could hear the vampires giving chase behind them and roar of their fury. They hit a flight of stairs at the end of the hall and tore up them. No vampires were waiting along the stairwell. Lothos had been cocky enough to think that there wasn't the slightest possibility of escape. It was his own fault they were getting away so easily. Their legs pumped up and down as they moved faster and faster. The vampires were closing in behind and they weren't sure just how far down they were. Xander stopped on a step and spun to kick a vampire directly in the forehead, sending it crashing down into the others. He shouted a cry of victory and he turned to climb again. He'd bought them a few more comfortable seconds.   
  
They reached a doorway at the top of the stairs and Buffy rammed into it, never slowing down for a second. It nearly flew off its hinges, she hit it so hard, and they entered into the small confines of a crypt. She looked around for something heavy to block the door and saw the remains of a marble statue lying on the floor. She rushed to it and dragged it by the deteriorating head and propped it against the door. Xander threw another chunk of marble that once could have been a tombstone, on top of the statue for good measure.   
  
"That ought to hold them for awhile," she said.   
  
"Buffy listen," he began. "About back there..."  
  
"Hey," she replied, throwing up her hand to silence him. "You couldn't help it. I know that. Believe me I do."  
  
He nodded, his eyes giving away his still guilty feeling over almost hurting her. He moved closer and she didn't shy away. It was something he could find himself getting used too. He slowly reached for her hand and she let him. He smiled faintly as his fingers entwined with hers.   
  
"You saved me back there," he said.   
  
"I did huh?"  
  
"Your voice," he went on. "Helped me fight him. It gave me something to focus on."   
  
"Glad I could help out," she mumbled looking away. "We need to get out of here."   
  
"Yes we do." He said pulling on her hand toward the front of the crypt.   
  
She kicked through the iron gates and they ran into the cemetery. They looked around the landscape, instantly recognizing it as Restfield. Xander couldn't believe that their run in with Theresa had been right on top of Lothos' new home. A small coincidence that sent a chill up his spine. They flew between tombstones and jumped over holes in the ground. They wanted to put as much distance between them and this place as possible. Xander stumbled when he felt something strike the back of his head. He crashed into the ground, no longer able to maintain his balance. He felt something land on his back and was quickly spun around to face it.   
  
"Look me in the eye you worthless sack of skin," Lothos growled, his eyes burning yellow and his fangs glistening. "No mortal resists me," he seethed.   
  
Xander could feel the mojo working its way into his mind again and he fought it as best he could. Lothos roared with the force of his power against Xander's resistance. He could feel all of the blood rushing to his head, his pulse pounded in his ears, and his eyes ached from the cold stare of the vampire. Suddenly, like a flash of some strange clairvoyance, he put down his mental wall of defense.   
  
"You want inside my mind?" Xander asked, his teeth gritted. "Go ahead."  
  
"Xander no!" Buffy shouted running at them.   
  
Lothos grinned and stared into Xander's eyes forcing all his will against him. He laughed as Xander's eyes glazed over again. "Your friend is weaker than I assumed slayer!" He shouted. "He... he..."   
  
Lothos' hands suddenly clutched his head, an unearthly cry ripping from his throat.   
  
"No!" He shouted. "Nooooooo!"  
  
He jumped off of Xander with his head still in hands. He writhed on the ground, screaming and kicking about. Buffy didn't hesitate; she ran to the nearest tree and snapped off a branch for a makeshift stake. Xander slowly moved to his feet and weaved on unsteady legs to the master vampire shaking on the grass. He dropped to his knees next to him.   
  
"Not as fun as it looked eh Lothos?" He said tapping his temple. "I've got pain in here you wouldn't believe."   
  
Buffy ran up to the two of them and kicked Lothos wickedly in the ribs before turning him over and pummeling his face. Her fists reigned up and down across his face, her slayer strength smashing bone and cartilage.   
  
"You sick twisted son of a bitch!" She shouted. "This is for the scar!"  
  
A massive blow the head.   
  
"This is for making me feel useless!"  
  
A swift kick to the groin.   
  
"This for turning Xander against me!"  
  
Her hand hammered down on his chest.   
  
"And this," she said lifting the stake over his heart. "Is for Pike."   
  
She slammed it down and Lothos cried out savagely, his flesh disintegrating into dust. Buffy threw the stake to the ground and stood shakily on her feet. She stared down at the bones of the creature that had made her life a living hell. A warm sense of closure washed over her and she kicked the skeleton once more for good measure. It was over. Lothos was dead. She felt Xander's hand on her shoulder and she turned and smiled faintly at him.   
  
"We'll need to smash the bones," he said. "His minions could try to raise him if we don't. And believe me when I tell you how not fun that is."   
  
Buffy nodded and looked around for a rock. She found one just big enough, lifted it over her head, and let it drop onto the skull. It cracked easily under the weight of the stone and she took her time repeating the process for the rest of the skeleton. She tossed the rock aside when she was finished. Xander smiled at her and nudged a shattered piece of bone with his foot.   
  
"Fun?"  
  
"Better than ice cream," she said dryly. "I'm getting a little sick of this place, I say we bail."  
  
"Good Idea," he replied. "Giles and Willow are going to freak when we get back."  
  
Buffy laughed lightly. "Let them."  
  
They walked side by side leaving the graveyard, hands brushing lightly against each other. Once, twice, three times before their fingers hooked together. They smiled faintly at each other as they passed through the gates. They walked home in comfortable silence. 


	10. Aftermath

"So Xander really fought off Lothos' mind control?" Willow asked as she sipped at a grape soda. "That's just... Wow."  
  
"Ditto," Buffy grunted in agreement as she spun a roundhouse kick into the pad Giles was holding.   
  
"Indeed," Giles replied. "From everything I've read on Lothos his mind's influence is complete. There's no record of a human, or vampire for that matter, ever withstanding it."  
  
"I did," Buffy said.   
  
Both Giles and Willow looked at her in shock. They had learned not ask her anymore than what she offered, in the ways of information about herself. Buffy was glad. She'd had enough of talking about Lothos. Giles bit back a groan as he took the force of another blow and backed up a few paces when Buffy went to kick again.   
  
"I think that's enough," he said putting the pad down. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to sit with an ice pack and hope my arms are still functional."   
  
He wandered off toward his office and Buffy took a swig of water from her bottle. She sat on top of the table and wiped her forehead with a towel. Willow still sipped at her soda, but Buffy could feel her eyes on her. Buffy wasn't sure what to say to her. She'd already filled her and Giles in on the events of the last few days, minus her and Xander's two kisses. She was slowly coming to like Willow, but she didn't think she was ready for any sort of girl talk.  
  
"So, how are you Buffy?" Willow asked shyly. "I mean, what you went through was pretty intense."   
  
Buffy blinked at her for a minute. Willow had always tried to be friendly, even when she wasn't the most tolerable person to be near, the redhead didn't hold it against her. It was starting to make Buffy uncomfortable, all this friendly atmosphere. She really had the urge to bolt.   
  
"I uh, don't want to talk about it anymore," Buffy mumbled.   
  
"That's okay," Willow responded with a smile.   
  
They were quiet for a minute before Buffy spoke again.  
  
"Thanks for asking," she said quietly.   
  
Willow smiled genuinely at her and finished off her soda.   
  
"So when's Xander going to get here?" Willow asked.   
  
"In a little while," Buffy replied. "He said he had something to do."  
  
***  
  
His feet felt a little strange as they walked across the lush green grass. The sun was out, shining its warm yellow rays across the landscape. He looked around at the few scattered people milling around the monuments, paying their own respects. It felt odd being in a cemetery during the day. Even in the sun he still listened closely for the small sounds of a possible attack. He lifted the bundle of roses he was carrying to his nose and inhaled softly. They smelled so sweet.   
  
His back went rigid as soon as he stood before her grave. He couldn't stand to see her name carved into the marble. Not for the first time, he wished his name were next to hers. He felt his hands begin to shake and tears form in his eyes. He let them fall.  
  
"Hey beautiful," he said brokenly. "I-I know I haven't come by to visit in... Well, ever. But I know you understand that I couldn't."   
  
He sank to his knees and leaned the flowers against her headstone.   
  
"Roses," he whispered. "Beautiful but with thorns. Just like you."  
  
A lighthearted sigh.  
  
"I dream about you all the time. Or at least I did. It's been a few days since its happened and I kind of have the feeling it won't happen again. Not like it used too. Anyway, when I dreamed, it was like you weren't really gone. I guess that's why I never came here. Because it was like you were never really dead. I just had to close my eyes and there you were."  
  
A couple of kids running off in the distance distracted him for a second. He watched them and smiled sadly. He turned his head back to the tombstone.   
  
"In my dreams you kept telling me that you were dead and I didn't want to believe it. How was I supposed to? It was so real."  
  
Tears began to fall like rain and he sighed heavily.   
  
"I believe it now Faith," he said. "I know you're not coming back."  
  
He pulled up his sleeves, staring at the wounds he'd inflicted on himself.   
  
"I'm not trying to join you anymore. I know that if I did you'd probably track me down in whatever hell dimension I ended up in and kick the crap out of me."  
  
He lifted a shaky hand to the engraved letters of her name, caressing them softly as he would her cheek.  
  
"I..."  
  
His hand reached the end of her name and he let it fall.  
  
"I've met someone," he confessed. "I wasn't looking for it. Hell, I didn't even like her when she first came around. But I guess that's kind of how we started wasn't it?"  
  
A fragile chuckle.  
  
"Her name is Buffy. She's a slayer like you. She was the one called after you... Died."   
  
He moved to stand and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. He took a deep breath and looked to the sky for a moment.   
  
"We aren't together," he admitted. "We're... I don't know what we are. I don't know if we're anything. But what I do know is that there's definitely *something* between us and... I want to see what it is. I don't know how to define it any better."  
  
He kissed his fingertips and placed them atop her tombstone.   
  
"I will love you till the day I die Faith," he whispered hoarsely. "But I've been dying inside long enough. I think that maybe its time I tried living again. It's been so long and I'm not sure if I even know how anymore. But I have to try."  
  
A faint smile.   
  
"For you I'll try."  
  
He stared at the grave until his tears finally dried, keeping his body stiff, hands buried in his pockets.   
  
"I have to go now," he said, finally turning his head away. "I love you."  
  
***  
She clicked off the TV and threw the remote down on the bed. There was nothing on and she was beyond bored. Xander had never come back from whatever he had to do and after a few more awkward attempts at friendly conversation with Willow she finally packed up her training gear and headed home. Her new hotel room was ten times nicer than her old one. There was no way she was ever going back to the old dive after Lothos tore it apart. At least this particular hotel didn't have a seedy reputation for ill repute. It was fairly clear of bugs as well. She was almost content here. Almost.   
  
A light tapping on her door halted her train of thought and she moved to answer it. It was still daylight so she kept her stake tucked away in her belt. She opened the door and smiled faintly. His arms were around her before she had a chance to invite him in. The instinctual urge to shove him away faded with every second his arms lingered there. She rested her head against his chest and slowly let the warmth of him bury the urges to fight his affection. She tucked her own arms under his shoulders and rested them firmly on his back. He pulled her closer to him, his fingers clasping around the small of her back. Somewhere in the middle of the hug Buffy felt something shift inside of her. She didn't know how to explain it, but greatly reveled in the fact that she didn't want to. She stood on her tiptoes as her arms moved slowly from his back to wrap around the back of his neck. Her cheek was suddenly rubbing softly against his. Her lips moved to graze his cheek.   
  
And softly, gently, her lips found his.   
  
It easily could have been their shared kiss a few days ago. Her tongue invaded his mouth, deepening the kiss. She moved closer, pressing her body firmly against his. They tasted one another, nipped at each other's lips. She didn't stop herself. She let herself become lost in his touch.   
  
And as suddenly as it started, her lips broke from his.   
  
"Hey," he said smiling softly.   
  
"Hey," she replied.   
  
***  
  
Willow sighed deeply to herself as she pushed through the doors of the library. It had been a long day. On top of having two reports due, she also had to keep up her assistant teacher duties in advanced computer programming. Ms. Calendar could be so flaky. It also didn't help that Principal Snyder called her into his office for a chat. He was a nice man, always smiling, always doing something for what he called "his kids." But sometimes he could just talk your ear off.   
  
She looked around the empty library and her brows furrowed. She knew that Giles was in a staff meeting but Buffy and Xander were supposed to be training together. She walked to the big table and dropped her bag on top of it. She looked around the floor to see the sparring pads scattered about. At least she knew that they were here before. Maybe they had stopped for a break and a snack. She sat down at the table and turned on her laptop. The database was nearly complete, but after her long day of academic wonders she didn't feel like being brainy. She clicked on her Ms. Pac-Man game and played away.   
  
It was two games later before she heard it. A small shuffle of feet from somewhere in the stacks. She paused her game and listened intently. She heard a small bump this time, like someone had walked into a bookshelf. Curiously, she rose from her chair and walked up the small steps toward the noise. Her head was tilted slightly, trying to zero in on the source.   
  
She froze when she heard a stifled giggle. Someone was definitely back here. She stepped as quietly as she could along the carpet, not wanting to give her presence away. She had to bite her tongue to keep from shouting when she rounded a bookshelf and caught the site of the disturbance.   
  
Buffy's arms were wrapped comfortably around Xander's neck, and his arms looked just as comfy bound around her waist. Their eyes were closed blissfully as they kissed. Buffy stood on her tiptoes to compensate for Xander's height but that didn't seem to be bothering her at all. Willow's cheeks flushed when she didn't turn away immediately. They looked happy. Something she hadn't seen Xander experience in months, and something she'd never seen Buffy experience at all. Buffy giggled softly, never opening her eyes and moving to kiss him again. Willow couldn't help the smile as it stretched across her face. It was good seeing them together looking so happy after both had been so bitter. She looked on a few seconds more before finally turning away.   
  
The two kids who had thought there had been nothing left in life to offer. Both angry at the world for every horrible thing that had ever happened to them. Both so far tucked into themselves that they never let their true selves show. Keeping the people around them at bay. Had found something in each other that could wash all of the pain they'd ever went through away.   
  
It was like something from a storybook.   
  
One fucked up, depressing, twisted storybook.   
  
The End. 


End file.
